In A Strange Land, part 37


Another morning came, following the last night I would spend on the cot in the Master's quarters. One stage of my life among the Jedi was over, now. There was nothing for me to do except collect my things and trudge them around the corner to what would be my quarters from now on, and my heart grew heavy as I pulled out the one drawer Obi-Wan had cleared out for my use. I took my time packing my clothing in a bag for convenience's sake, wanting the essence of my presence to linger here as long as possible. We were just going down the hall and then up five doors, but it seemed like miles. I made sure to find every last bit of my stuff, including my watch, my gifts from the two Jedi on Chad, and my journal, though I dragged my feet as I carried each item individually from Obi-Wan's room into the sitting room and piled it together on the table. Before long, it was obvious to my friends I was pouting and dreading the move, as meaningless as it was. It wasn't like I wasn't going to see them again, since we already had plans to eat dinner together after my stuff was moved and then practice some forms - more so I could get my mind off the separation than for exercise. But, it was the principle that weighed down on me. This was but the first separation. The second, the more devastating, would come within a few days when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were at last assigned to a new mission somewhere in the galaxy. Not even the strongest self-delusion could make me forget that sooner or later, they would go and I would have to stay.

A hand glided onto my shoulder from behind as I stood folding the last of my clothing. I glanced at it and noticed by its slender build and smooth, young skin, it belonged to Obi-Wan. "What?" I wondered of him, maybe a little too crossly.

"I know you're upset," he said patiently, his voice gentle. "Things won't be quite the same without you, but then, they weren't the same after you came to us in the first place." I turned halfway toward him and was treated to a wise, caring smile which fairly glowed on his lips. "Not to mention," the Padawan added teasingly, "I doubt that by moving your sleeping quarters we will be able to get rid of you."

His attempt at humor was appreciated, but I wasn't in the mood. "I've already said that I'll only come to the two of you if you wish it, from now on."

A frown flitted across Obi-Wan's face. "Then, if Master Qui-Gon has not already said so, I will tell you now that I wish you to come to us every moment we are here. Please continue to consider these rooms as much yours as the one down the hall." I felt my face flushing heatedly and averted my eyes from him. "What?" he prodded.

"I've never had anyone tell me that before," I said, an attack of sudden shyness preventing anything but a whisper from slipping out.

Obi-Wan tilted his head so he could catch my eyes, which he succeeded in doing. I found him his usual serene self, unmarked by either hesitation or anticipation. "Well," he offered, letting the word drop into the silence between us like a stone into a river, "I suppose it's only fair that you be treated to the same new situations and feelings that you've brought about in me."

I snorted lightly in lieu of a chuckle. "Thanks. So, I guess this means you're feeling better about things than you were the other night."

The Padawan lowered his head, abashed. "Yes, well...you were right. Master Qui-Gon helped me see the error in my line of thinking. My fear of losing myself to my desires was more foolish than the desires themselves. I only lack control if I expect myself to."

"Uh...okay." I wasn't sure what that meant, but as long as he understood it, that was enough.

"You'll have to forgive me. This is all quite new to me. I don't have the benefit of Master Qui-Gon's experience to know what is right to feel and to want." Obi-Wan clasped his hands together in front of him, though his thumbs fidgeted a little with each other. "But then, I suppose, from what you've said, you don't know any more than I do."

"Neither does Qui-Gon," I told him. "I think we're all just muddling through this. But..." I collected a smile for the attentive young apprentice. "...so far I'd say I prefer it to being lonely. Weird as my life is, now."

I threw the folded shirt in my hand into the bag and checked one last time to make sure the drawer was empty of all my things. It was, so I closed up the bag and made to lug it out to the sitting room, but Obi-Wan took it from me. "I've got it."

"Okay. The rest of my stuff is already out there." I followed him out of his room and surprised Qui-Gon, who was standing by the table with the ornate box from Chad in his hand. He quickly put it down as we came out. "That's the last of it," I said, ignoring the Master's actions for now.

"Do you need any help?" Qui-Gon asked.

I gave a hollow laugh. "No. But I could use your company."

The security codes were all in place and the single-occupant cell was completely clean and devoid of Del Foren's presence when we entered. Obi-Wan dropped my bag onto the bed, while Qui-Gon placed the personal items which he had carried down the hall for me on the table near the door. "You'll have to code your security to recognize us, if you wish," the Master suggested.

"Can you do that for me?" I begged. "I don't know how."

Without a word he went to the communicator, which doubled as a personal database and controlled everything in the room, and set to work. Obi-Wan poked around, peeking in the empty drawers of the bureau that looked exactly like his own and going into the refresher as if expecting it to be something other than a standard refresher. I picked up the glass frame with the flowers inside and started hunting for a place I could hang it, settling for draping the loop of ribbon from which it dangled around the end of the lamp that overhung the table/desk/console where many generations of Jedi had worked. Since this cell was on the building's interior, it was furnished with more than enough lighting to compensate for the lack of natural light, including the desk lamp that I left off for now. The whistle-box found a home on the bureau, on the end closest to the bed, and I stood back with my hands on my hips, satisfied. "There. That'll do for now." Qui-Gon got up from the console, having finished the coding, and came up behind me. I grinned crookedly at him. "It looks a lot more bare than it did when Foren had it."

"I'm sure it won't take long for that to change," Qui-Gon smiled. "I told you to look for personal items when we were out the other day."

"I didn't know this was going to happen, then," I reminded him. "Oh well. It's not like I know what I want, anyway. I don't even hardly know what exists, here."

He conceded with a shrug and turned toward the door. "I'll let you get settled in. Don't forget, dinner tonight and then a practice."

"Yeah, I know." He left, and I turned to Obi-Wan. "What about you?"

"Do you want me to go?" he wondered.

"No."

He stayed, then, the rest of the afternoon while I decided how to sort my meager stack of clothing and speculated on what I could do to brighten up the drab cell. Not that he was much help, he sat on the bed and watched me, interjecting comments now and again. When I had finished and declared the room mine, we left it, going back to their quarters to wait out the rest of the day. After all, we had plans, and just because I wasn't going to the cot in the corner at the end of it all didn't mean I was going to stay away. Considering how little time I actually spent in my quarters that first day of having them, the insistence of my friends' wish to keep my company was more than impressed upon me.

Night descended on Coruscant while we were sequestered inside a window-less practice hall, though we didn't notice until we exited that the hush of the Temple was even deeper than usual. It was late, and I was only mildly exhausted because I spent most of the practice time watching Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in action, a much more preferable diversion than doing it myself. By rote I followed them back to their quarters, not even thinking of turning down the side corridor to my own, but neither of them corrected me. Qui-Gon offered me a tall glass of cold water, and we sat for some time talking about the lessons which could be learned from the battle forms I had been taught. I found myself regaining the happy mood I had woken up with, feeling comfortable about the new arrangements and no longer upset at being parted from my friends. It grew to be even later, and eventually Qui-Gon excused himself to go to bed, leaving me with Obi-Wan. I finished off my water and sighed at the Padawan. "Well. I suppose. I should go to my quarters and go to bed, too."

"Are you tired?"

"Sort of. Yeah, tired enough." I pried myself off the couch and stretched. "My first night away from you guys. Kind of weird." Obi-Wan made no move to speak, or to see me out, so I began edging away from him one step at a time, backing towards the door. "I hope I'll be able to get some sleep."

He finally looked up. "I don't see why you wouldn't."

My feet unconsciously stalled, leaving me at the edge of the darkened sitting room. "Well, being away from you, and all..." I shrugged. "It's just going to feel strange." My glance darted to the wall outside Qui-Gon's room. The cot was still there.

"You want to stay here another night." Obi-Wan still sat where I had left him in the semi-dark, his face hidden by shadow, though his eyes shimmered in the scant light from across the room as he lifted them toward me. "Stacey...it may only delay the inevitable. You'll have to get used to your quarters eventually."

I twined my fingers together and studied them rather than meet his intelligent gaze. "Well...I did make a promise to you."

Obi-Wan was silent for a while, but thinking or doing what I didn't raise my eyes to find out. At last, he spoke softly, though the gentleness didn't soften the sting of his words. "I don't know if it's right...for tonight. You have to get used to being apart from us. Putting it off another night won't make it any easier, you still have to face all your fears and feelings regardless."

I bit my lip. "I know," I whispered with what little strength I could muster.

There was a rustle as he pushed himself out of his seat and glided to where I stood. I looked up as the brown-robed shadow appeared suddenly out of the darkness right in front of me. "You were serious about that promise, weren't you?"

I nodded fiercely. "I was. My promise still stands, I won't break it."

"It will be all right." A sweet smile graced his lips, to match the mature light in his blue eyes. "I understand your feelings. But, I think this is for the best, for both of us. Another time."

I couldn't help but make a frustrated face at him. "All right. Another time."

My pouting made him smirk. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he followed me to the door to see me out. "Good night," he wished me. "Sleep well."

"You too." I smiled longingly up at him as the door hissed open for me, and made my way down the hall without looking back. The lights came on in my quarters when I triggered the door, and I heaved a sigh at the plain, undesirable sight which met me. It only took me a couple of minutes to wash up from exercise, brush out my hair, and change into sleep clothes, and I slapped off the lights as I fell into bed. The room went utterly black, black as a sealed tomb, without even ambient light from under a doorway to reach my eyes as I lay blinking at the low ceiling. I was alone. I was in "Star Wars World" as I jokingly called it in my journal, in the Jedi Temple, in my own quarters, but alone. Startlingly vivid memories from the life I had lived up until two months prior came crashing into my mind like a tidal wave, triggered by the familiar feeling of being all on my own without anyone to look after me, and tears soaked my pillow.

*****

I paused just a few feet from the door, outside sensor range, and leaned on the wall. I had not received any invitations, but after finally dragging myself out of bed, showering, and getting dressed, I had crept up the hall and around the corner to Qui-Gon's quarters. I wanted to believe that he and Obi-Wan really meant it when they said I could come around to their quarters any time, but I hesitated. An unbidden visit could be considered forward, even overstepping boundaries. For once, I wished Master Qui-Gon had not coded the sensor to recognize me, so I could have the option of buzzing them rather than expect the door to swish open as soon as I came in range. I even nearly chickened out and went back to my room. But, my stomach was growling and I knew Qui-Gon would have some fruit laid out and a pot of the sweet apple-flavored tea on. In the end, I just blundered up to the door and halted in the entranceway.

Both Jedi were awake and fully dressed and equipped, and their faces were somber as they glanced to see who it was. Their smiles were faint. "Good morning," Qui-Gon greeted, straightening up from where he had been leaning over the communicator. "I was beginning to wonder if you had overslept or simply didn't want to see us."

"I didn't know how open the invitation was," I confessed quietly. I noticed, then, that the cot was gone from its place by the wall. "May I?"

"Of course. Come in. There's tea if you like, and breakfast is ready."

"What's going on?" I asked him before progressing any further than a step inside so the door could close. I could see from their faces that something was up, without even having to reach out for the Force.

"We have a mission," Obi-Wan replied. "We leave tonight."

"Oh." I finally crossed to the table and sat down facing the Padawan, reaching for an empty mug that was waiting for me. "I thought you'd be happy about that. It's about time you got to get off Coruscant and get back to work in the field."

"We are - at least, I know I am," Qui-Gon answered. He lowered himself into an adjacent chair. "But it is a very serious mission. Very dangerous, and very sensitive."

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you much," the Master demurred. "All I can say is, if we do not get there soon, a family may be executed and a war may start." His eyes flicked to his apprentice's expressionless face. "Obi-Wan and I have dealt with this culture before, a long time ago, though the players involved in the current intrigue are new to us both."

"It stands to be a difficult mission, even if nothing goes wrong and we are completely successful," Obi-Wan put in.

I stared at the rippling surface of my tea. "May the Force be with you, then."

Qui-Gon gave an almost imperceptible nod. "Indeed."

"And you leave tonight?"

"In order to make an appointed schedule on this world, we will have to leave late tonight, yes. I need to take part of the day to pull up some information on the planet, to refresh my memory, but..." Qui-Gon's eyes settled on me, and he waited until I met them before finishing his thought. "...before we go, I would like to spend time in meditation with you, since we have failed to do so for a while now, and I will make sure you have everything you need."

"Thanks." I sipped at my tea, using it as a distraction to keep from looking at either of them. Now was the real test: tonight, we would know if they were successful in keeping to their duty without being besieged by thoughts of me, and I would know how painful separation really could feel.

The day dragged by slowly, which was both a blessing and a curse. I wanted as much time as I could nab with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, selfishly hoarding it in expectation of the well going dry, but every minute that ticked by carried on its back the agony of waiting, and burning dread. My only moment of peace came from meditating in the Force, so grateful for its unquenchable power and for the presence of my two companions in the bond that I was able to let go and just be, to feel the Force and abandon my angst to it for a time. The session left me refreshed and a bit quieter in mind, though the weight of anticipation returned eventually in a less biting but nonetheless present sense. It was probably due more to being alone in my feelings than anything, since Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had a duty to attend to and they easily put aside anything resembling pining, sadness, or dreary anticipation of separation. Their Jedi nature and their own personalities rendered them completely calm, focused, and properly centered on what their mission would require of them rather than any longing for a friend left back home, which was as it should be. I did not begrudge them their calmness, they needed it. I could miss them enough for all three of us.

In the hour before the transport was scheduled to leave, Qui-Gon was in high-gear. He checked to make sure he and Obi-Wan had all they needed, and then drilled me on my own needs in his absence as a good guardian should. I confirmed that I knew how to requisition things, when the commissaries on the nearest levels were open for meals, and who to contact if I was in trouble. The Master made sure I had the codes to call Master Adi, Master Saesee, and Master Plo, as well as Mace and Yoda if need be, and added to the list Del Foren, since he and his apprentice would be on Coruscant for a time yet. "There are others in the Temple who know about you, friends of mine, and allies of your cause," he told me as he finished checking the pouches on his utility belt for their contents. "Don't be surprised if some of them seek you out while I'm gone."

"How long do you expect to be on this mission?" I wondered.

Qui-Gon paused in his activity and thought. "A week, maybe two. It depends on how quickly we can establish negotiations." Satisfied that he was prepared, he picked up his robe from where it draped over a chair and pulled it on. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"

"Yeah, I should be fine," I assured, cracking a smile. "I'm in the Jedi Temple, what could go wrong? I'll just miss you two terribly."

"I know," he smiled. Obi-Wan breezed past him, then, with a look to summon him. The Master huffed a sigh. "Well, then. It's time we made our way to the transport. Do you want to come down with us?"

I had pondered that question all day. "Um, no. I'll just say goodbye to you now." I got up from the table and placed myself between the Jedi and the door, so that they would have to go through me to get out. "Take care of yourselves. Don't get in any firefights or anything."

"And you behave yourself," Obi-Wan chided, stepping forward and hugging me gently. I threw my arms around his neck and held him to me for a moment, breathing in his scent one last time.

As I released him and stepped back, Qui-Gon moved forward. "I will contact you when I am able to find the time," he assured, brushing his hand along my arm. "It may be a few days, but when I get a chance I will send a transmission."

"Okay." He enfolded me in a warm embrace, and I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed tightly. It was over too soon, and I was backing away, letting them go. "Be careful," I added as the door opened. "May the Force be with you."

Both Jedi glanced over their shoulders at me, smiling at the blessing. Then the door hummed shut, and they were gone.

*****

All the Jedi control techniques and meditation that existed could not prevent me from sinking into a mild depression for a day or two. My only friends in the galaxy were gone, away on duty for no one knew how long, and I had to try to readjust to life alone, life without constant supervision and guardianship. On Earth it would have been easy, I loved living alone. But here, I was still a stranger. Two months and more, and I still could barely read or tell time or do many simple things that I took for granted elsewhere. It wasn't just my feelings for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan that fueled the separation anxiety; I had gotten very used to them being there to answer my questions, show me how to do things, and correct my wrong impressions. Enough about this galaxy was different that I needed a chaperone or shepherd to look out for me, and once they were gone, I started to painfully feel it. Yet, I didn't want to go running to a Jedi Council member to soothe my fears, so I decided to tough it out. It wasn't until a few days later that I started to realize just how dependent I had become upon my two Jedi, and how much I needed them.

The first few nights they were away I slept horribly, tossing and turning all night and finding myself subject to upsetting dreams in the few bare hours of sleep I could catch. That left me surly and withdrawn all day long. Finally, after several days of this, I got up in the middle of the night one night and padded noiselessly down the hall and around the corner to Qui-Gon's quarters. The door obligingly slid open for me, and I tried not to tear up as I came in knowing they weren't there. I stumbled through the dark to Qui-Gon's bedroom, climbed onto the bed, and burrowed down under the covers. The bedding smelled so richly like the Master, his essence impossible to completely drive out of the bedclothes by the laundry. I grabbed his pillow and hugged it to my chest, breathing in deeply so that I could almost taste him, and settled down to the first uninterrupted night of sleep in days. After that, I didn't spend another night in my quarters.

And there was more. I had been instructed to try meditating a little each day, in the hopes that it would continue to build the Force's pull in me and get me accustomed to reaching for it and having it respond. But it became difficult to even establish a meditative trance, much less sink myself into the Force and feel it like I had been taught. Once I got some sleep and entered into the habit of sneaking into Qui-Gon's quarters every night, it became a little easier, but I noted the fact that meditation had become difficult. I surmised that my heart just wasn't in it, and after a time, stopped even trying. It wasn't that I didn't want to feel the Force anymore; on the contrary, I poked my head in on some lessons and knew from the scant scraps of instruction I picked up that I wanted to learn everything about the Force that the Jedi would consent to teach me. The practicing, though...that was the problem.

Each day went by full of hope and desperate longing for the transmission Master Qui-Gon had promised, but a full week of five days later and he still hadn't called. I consoled myself with the reminder that he had said it would be a difficult mission, and I imagined that there was probably some great crisis that had his full attention, something I wouldn't dare expect him to drop in order to send a little transmission toward Coruscant. My commitment to their duty was tested by this waiting, as I did my best not to be impatient and hoped at the very least that they were all right and not in any trouble that would prevent them from calling as promised. Then again, I hadn't received any word from any Jedi Councilor saying that my guardian and his apprentice had disappeared or been attacked or anything, which was a very good sign. My hyperactive imagination could devise far worse punishments for two Jedi in the field than their actual mission would.

At the start of the second week of my life in the Jedi Temple, I received my first visitor. Over the course of the previous week, I had gotten a couple calls from Adi Gallia checking up on me, but I lied and told her I was doing great, hiding even the sleeplessness from her. But this was the first time anyone had come to my quarters, and they were fortunate to find me there, since I had grown accustomed to spending nights asleep in Qui-Gon's bed. It was midday, and I was in my room fiddling with my Chadra-Fan whistle out of sheer idleness, when the door sensor scared the daylights out of me. Collecting my wits, I got up and pressed the pad to open the door for my visitor, surprised at the sight which met me. A tall, slender Twi'lek stood before me, the scarlet tint of her skin strikingly offset by the cream-colored dress that fell to her feet. It was like Jedi garb, with a stole hanging from her neck and belted with a sash, but it was elegant in a way Jedi usually are not. The sash itself was not white but deep purple. A sort of circlet rested on her brow and kept her head-tails swept back from her shoulders. She smiled at me as I stood there like an idiot, unable to find even rote words of courtesy to greet her. "Are you Stacey?"

"Yeah," I managed to say, starting to recover my common sense, or at least my embarrassment. "What can I do for you?"

"My name is Te Haruth," the Twi'lek said in a rich alto. "Some time ago, Master Qui-Gon Jinn came to me and asked my advice about a potential ward of his. I'm sorry I did not get around to meeting you sooner." The smile warmed up several degrees. "I don't know if you could use a friend or not, but I could. It has been a long time since I met someone who was not a Jedi in these halls."

Everything clicked all at once. Te. Te Haruth. The last person before me to be granted asylum among the Jedi. "Oh...hi!" I exclaimed suddenly. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard all about you - I mean, we had to research your case when we were getting ready to present mine. Please, come in."

I stepped aside, and Te glided into my tiny cell like royalty. She had an air of Jedi-ness about her, but still retained some of her native charm and habits - at least, the purple sash gave me that impression. "I understand there are some unique circumstances about your existence," she began as she took a seat in the padded chair that accompanied my desk. "What exactly is it? I already notice that I can't sense you. So, unless you're remarkably well-trained in Jedi arts of masking and confusion, there must be something unique indeed."

I smiled at her, liking her already. She spoke wisely, but with an underlying note of sarcasm and merriment that I could just barely catch, and I wondered if that was due to a quality of her species or her life among Jedi. "I've been brought here by the Force from another galaxy," I freely admitted. "Not sure why, just yet, or even how for that matter, but somehow I've come thousands of light-years from home to fall in with the Jedi."

Te's thin eyebrows arched upward. "Another galaxy? Astonishing! No wonder they granted you asylum, it's not every day something like you falls on the Temple's doorstep." I moved past her to sit down on my bed, facing her. "Is life here much different from where you come from?"

"In some ways." For once, I opened up to another individual, and before long I was telling the attentive Te all about Earth and how the Star Wars story existed there, from which I gained enough knowledge to be somehow worthy of the Force's attention. Leery of filling the air with talk about myself only, I looked for an opportunity to get to know her. "...I woke up on a ship, somewhere in unknown space. I was really lucky, I guess, to drop in right where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were, they found me. Was that what happened to you? Crossing paths with a Jedi at the right time?"

Te tilted her head coyly. "Well, I don't know that it was all that similar. The Jedi Knight I met was unable to help me, though my memory of him and his kindness fueled my desire to get free and find him again, hoping he could help me. I knew only a Jedi could help me."

I crossed my legs on the bed and tucked my feet under me. "Tell me about it. Tell me all about yourself, and what you do around the Temple."

"I really don't do much," Te laughed, "except get underfoot."

I snorted. "I know that feeling."

"It was a bit of an adjustment, learning to live among the Jedi," Te mused, folding her hands in her lap. "For almost twenty years I had been a slave to many masters, living a certain life in the Outer Rim where people have a much different way of dealing with one another. It took me a while to learn a new concept of relationships, of authority...and propriety." A spark of mirth lit her coal-black eyes. "Though I must admit it was a scream watching some of the elder Masters react to my choices of clothing in those first few weeks."

Both of us burst out laughing. "I have a little idea what you might mean, I've seen examples," I giggled. "Oh, you must have driven Yoda nuts."

"Oh, Master Yoda had fits about me," Te murmured, shaking her head. "He was against my presence from the first, but I had truth on my side. There was no plausible reason anyone could give for denying me asylum. One of the High Councilors - you may not know her, she is not on it now - offered to take some time to teach me about the Jedi's sort of asceticism. Fortunately, that helped us all adjust."

"That's good," I nodded.

We sat there and talked for the rest of the afternoon, falling into a very easy friendship. Te was older than me, and had an intimidating and magnetic presence comparable to a scholar or diplomat, but deep down she was a Twi'lek, and still carried the memories of the first part of her life. She knew what it was like to have fun, and be a woman among men, and all her Jedi teaching did not erase that from her personality. It was the very reason she was not allowed to become a Jedi - the same reason I would not be - but she was evidence that someone could be Force-sensitive and learn the ways of the Order and live the closest thing to a Jedi life while still embracing their human (or Twi'lek as the case may be) side. I could foresee being very good friends with her. She had a lot in common with me, and I discovered more as time went on. We were both female, both wards of the Jedi who were stuck in the Temple indefinitely, we both loved music, and surprisingly, she also had a dimension of feelings toward her Jedi rescuer that some of the Order frowned upon. When Te described to me the human Knight who had set her on a path toward freedom, I could hear the note in her voice that sounded too familiar. "Where is he now?" I wondered. "Do you still see him a lot, or no?"

Te lowered her eyes. Had her skin not already been red, I might have seen her blush. Her head-tails twitched. "I see him when I can. He has finally taken an apprentice and is working to become a Master, so he is away from Coruscant often." Her lips worked against an ill-suppressed smile. "I suppose to you I can admit this, but...since I came here and got to know him as a person, the feelings of awe and worship I once felt have changed into something else."

"Ohhhh...you have feelings for him," I deduced, grinning. "Make that another thing we have in common."

Te looked at me, surprised. "What? You too?"

My grin got even wider. "Oh, definitely. And not just Master Qui-Gon - Obi-Wan too."

"Really?" She sat up and leaned forward, her Jedi elegance disappearing completely. "Oh! It's so wonderful to find someone to speak to about this! Do you think we are just deluding ourselves, that these great Jedi could find it in themselves to accommodate a lesser emotion, or is it possible?"

"I like to think it's possible. I mean...both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have confessed similar feelings toward me. I don't know how it can work, but we're going to try."

Te's mouth became a little, round "o" as she stared at me. "You're so fortunate," she whispered after a second or two of gaping. "Com'lar is a kind man, and very caring, but I've not had the courage in twelve years to speak to him of my feelings. The Jedi taught me well, I can hide them from him or meditate them into nothingness...for a time."

I held up a finger in warning. "That, my dear, is your downfall. Qui-Gon wouldn't have known either except I'm pathetically bad at keeping anything from him, because my Force-sensitivity is totally dependent on him. I came here without midi-chlorians, I had to get a transfusion from him. So, I'm sort of bonded to him."

"Ohh, I see." Te shook her head so that her head-tails swayed gracefully. "You are so very fortunate, your weakness is actually your strength. Oh, that I had the courage to open my mind to Com'lar!"

I reached over and patted her knee. "Now, now. All things have a place and time. Maybe someday you will."

The Twi'lek smiled warmly, her eyes glowing with happiness. "Maybe so. Oh, it is so good to have a friend who understands! I think we will be good friends, Stacey."

"I think so too." I couldn't keep a grin from my face. So, the women of Earth aren't the only ones to fall for Jedi. I tucked Te's secret away into a part of my mind where it would be safe. It certainly looked like the two of us were going to become fast friends on account of our shared experiences. If so, I welcomed it, for her quiet laughter would keep me company while I was apart from my Jedi companions.

As I found out, Te actually worked in the Temple, down on the lower levels taking care of the infants newly brought to be sheltered and eventually trained as Jedi, when she wasn't deep in her personally-guided study of the Force. Both tasks kept her extraordinarily busy, but she promised before we parted after dinner that night that whenever she had some free time, she would like to spend time with me and just share my company as friends. I vowed to do the same, though I had considerably more free time than she did. My mood much improved, I returned not to my quarters but to the Master's, wanting the freedom of the spacious sitting room and the window looking out on the twilight over Coruscant to keep a hold of the upbeat feeling. I was sitting in a darkened corner of the room, gazing distractedly at the patch of sky dwindling from blue to violet to black, when the communicator beeped with an incoming signal. I got up and wandered over to it, frowning to myself because I wasn't sure that just because I was in Qui-Gon's quarters meant I was allowed to answer his calls or view his transmissions. Stepping in front of the console, I looked for the tiny black screen that would give the code of the incoming transmission. The name on it was strange, but somehow familiar to me. The communicator beeped again, and then it hit me - that was the code for the planet where the Jedi had gone on their mission! It was Qui-Gon calling! I immediately sat down and pushed the call button. "Master Qui-Gon's quarters..."

Instead of holography, the visual flat-screen winked on as the transmission link was established. "How did I know I would find you in here instead of in your quarters?" Qui-Gon said with a smile.

I giggled in embarrassment and covered my face with my hands. "I'm sorry. It's okay, isn't it? There's just more room to stretch out in here."

"Yes, it's perfectly fine," the Master assured. The room he was in was dark, I couldn't see details beyond the glow of the communicator illuminating his face. He looked well, if a little tired. "How have you been?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I've had some trouble sleeping. And meditating," I confessed. "It's gotten really hard to meditate, my heart's just not in it."

"Meditation is not about the heart," Qui-Gon wisely reminded. I cringed inwardly as I realized he was right and nodded.

"How about you?" I wondered. "How are you doing? How's the mission going?"

He sighed shortly. "It's progressing as expected. It hasn't been easy. I'm sorry, I wish I could share more details with you, but the situation is extremely volatile and I can't be certain of the security of the transmission from my end."

"It's okay," I shrugged. "As long as I know you're all right."

The faint smile returned to Qui-Gon's lips. "Yes, I'm all right. As is Obi-Wan."

"Where is he?"

"Asleep, at the moment. It's about two hours before sunrise here."

"No I'm not," drifted in from the background. Qui-Gon glanced away, and in a second, the Padawan appeared in the field of the viewscreen, leaning over his Master's chair. His Padawan braid dangled loosely beside his ear, and his tunics were in disarray, but he looked well as he smiled at me. "Hi."

"Well, hello there," I returned, grinning, unable to keep the flirtatious note from my voice.

"Are you bored of the Jedi Temple yet?"

"Actually, no," I told them both. "I didn't do much the first few days because I didn't feel like it, but I've been watching some practices and lessons and it's really interesting. Oh! And Te Haruth came by my quarters today. We talked for a long time. I think she'll make a good friend."

A bright smile like sunshine broke out on Qui-Gon's rugged face. "That's wonderful! I'm very glad to hear it. I did meet with her once, and suggested she might talk to you about her experiences, but this is even better than I hoped."

I nodded, though as I promised my new friend I said nothing about some of the factors she had in common with me. "I don't know how much I'll get to see of her, but when there's time, she said she'd contact me."

We talked briefly, sharing brief stories of things we found interesting in our respective locations, while Obi-Wan hung over his Master's shoulder listening, but after a point there was nothing more Qui-Gon could speak about. "I don't expect the mission to take much longer," he said, gathering himself to say goodbye. "A few days. Unless something unexpected happens, I won't contact you again until we return to Coruscant."

"Okay," I acknowledged. "I'll be waiting."

"Take care, Stacey." And snap, they were gone.

*****

Living in the Jedi Temple wasn't so bad. Food could be had when it was needed, the requisition office was good about changing sheets and taking in laundry, and there technically was more than enough going on to keep a person occupied. In time, I learned to like it for what it was, rather than try to make it something it wasn't, and found myself most interested in studying Jedi culture as it compared not only to galactic modern culture, but also to my own which now no longer existed. If Earth was indeed centuries into its own past while I was here in this galaxy, then I was the only creature in present existence with knowledge of things like McDonald's, Mount Rushmore, 80's music, shopping malls, the automobile, sitcoms, and so on and so forth. Yet, I assured myself that surely those things did exist, or would in time, regardless of whether I ever got to see any of them again. In the meantime, my life had turned into one giant adventure, the likes of which I could never have imagined, so I buried any whiff of homesickness under a determination to live every moment of the adventure to the fullest, even if it was just waking up in the morning inside the Jedi Temple. I spent a few days exploring, learning the limits of my security clearance and poking my head into practice halls full of initiates immersed in all kinds of instruction, from lightsaber drills to Force-enhanced observation techniques. It was intensely fascinating, and though I kept telling myself to take notes in the chance I should be sent back to Earth in a position to gloat about my knowledge of Jedi life and lore, not everything I saw ended up chronicled in my journal.

One evening, I sat in my room till well after dark working on my journal, realizing I had not made an entry in several days and trying to recall any salient details worth putting down. There wasn't much to say, in the end, so I read back through some old entries from the retreat on Chad, my heart stinging. I missed Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan terribly, more in the moments of silence and solitude than any other time. Going to their quarters at night and snuggling down into the Master's blankets was a wonderful way of alleviating the pangs of longing. I missed them less when I felt close to them, as I did then. I waited until I was tired enough to go to bed before quickly slipping into my sleep pants and shirt and tiptoeing up the corridor to their quarters. As I had every night for the past six nights, I wandered around for a bit, making sure everything was straightened up and looked as it had the evening they had departed on their mission, before turning out the lights and climbing onto Qui-Gon's bed. Feeling like an orphaned child with a teddy bear, I cuddled a pillow in my arms and settled down to get some rest.

Dreams were my last link to the world I used to know; despite living in this new and different place for two months, I rarely dreamt of daily stresses at night. Instead, images of my family, my parents and sisters and the home I grew up in, invaded my mind through the subconscious well from which my dreams dipped. That night was no different. I woke up once or twice after a particularly weird or stupid dream-fragment, shaking it off and quieting my brain by letting my imagination concoct plans for what to do when my two Jedi companions came home, though the fleeting images of Earth stayed with me. Then, one dream faded and prodded me toward wakefulness, and I realized with a frightening start that I was not alone. There was someone else in the bed with me.

My heart leaped up in my throat for a fraction of a second, and my mind snapped instantly awake, doing something that I had never had it do before: it sent out a pulse, or a sweep, into the Force automatically, without my having to consciously ask it to do so. Within milliseconds the pulse returned to me carrying the signature of the body curled up next to mine, and my fear rushed out of me in a torrent of relief. It was Qui-Gon. He had come home.

The relief quickly turned to delight as I assessed the situation. I was laying on my side as usual, my arm strangling my pillow, with the Master's arm draped possessively around me, his body pressed up against me. The curve of his body matched mine, I could feel his chest touching the center of my back, his long legs resting alongside mine, one of his knees pressing on my calf. His every exhalation huffed across my neck and ear. I had to fight to stifle a squeal of excitement - Qui-Gon had returned and, instead of waking me up or going about his business elsewhere, had crawled into bed with me. For a moment I honestly felt like I was going to faint. Taking a few deep breaths, I calmed down enough to scold myself. If you start freaking out, you're going to wake him up! Shh! He was deeply asleep, and did not move even though I lifted my head to see how close he was. His bare arm was crooked around me, his hand limp but almost grasping for my arm. Closing my eyes, I let go of the sight and concentrated instead on the feel, the warmth of his flesh and solidity of his muscles, and clenched my jaw to keep silent.

I tried staying still, even tried going back to sleep, but it was morning by now and I had gotten more than enough rest, there was no way I could fall asleep again. Carefully, painstakingly, I rolled onto my back, trying not to wake Qui-Gon. Gravity caused his arm to slip into a more comfortable position around me, but apart from that he didn't stir. His breathing remained soft and even, and I gazed into his face to comfort myself that I hadn't woken him, finding him abandoned to sleep. As of yet I had not found out whether Jedi really could keep one part of their mind awake while they slept, as a means of keeping on guard, but it looked to me now that even if they could, Qui-Gon was completely acquiescent to his body's need for rest. He was inside the Temple and in his quarters, there was no need for him to guard himself. His face was completely slack with slumber, and beautiful in repose. I lay for a long time just watching him sleep, keeping my hands to myself but letting my eyes caress the planes of his face, which lay mere inches from mine. I noticed, even in the dim half-light, that there was a slight discoloration over his right eyebrow, a small bruise.

I don't know how long I lay there contenting myself with watching Qui-Gon sleep, but before too long a part of me became rather impatient at having to lie trapped beneath his arm, imprisoned by a need to not disturb him. Not to mention, the refresher was calling. Before I could think of doing anything about it, though, Qui-Gon's head moved very slightly, and his eyes fluttered open. I found myself looking straight into his eyes as we lay side-by-side, unmoving. After a few seconds, during which he only blinked, I whispered, "Morning."

The eyes closed briefly, and a long sigh escaped him. Then, the tiny hint of a smile that he wore so well and so often awoke on his lips. "Did I wake you when I came in?"

The husky rumble of his tired voice sparked a thrill in me, but I only gave him a quiet smile. "No. I didn't hear you at all, I only woke up a little while ago...rather surprised to find I was not alone."

"Hmm." The smile migrated to his eyes, stirring up the laugh lines at their corners. "As surprised as I was to find you here when I came in?"

I felt a hot blush on my cheeks. "Is it okay?" I whispered timidly. "I couldn't sleep, I was tossing and turning and..."

His arm lifted from where it had lain across me, and his hand brushed a lock of hair away from my face, his eyes following the movement of his hand. "It's fine," he assured, also whispering. "I have no problem with it." He settled down into his pillow and closed his eyes to go back to sleep, adding in a peaceful murmur, "It was a nice surprise."

I brushed a hand lightly down the arm which had fallen back around my waist. "I'm going to get up."

Qui-Gon willingly released me from his grasp, and I slid out of bed with as little mussing of the covers as I could manage. Leaving him to his rest, I padded across the sitting room to the kitchenette area to start some tea. I hadn't learned much about cooking, but the least I could do was boil water, fortunately. By the window of the sitting room and the chronometer on the communicator, I could see it was fairly early in the morning, but the closed bedroom doors made me realize the two of them had gotten in very, very late and were going to be sleeping for a while. I sat on the couch with my tea, slowly savoring it, grinning happily at the way the day had started out. Waking up to find Qui-Gon in bed with me was not the sort of thing I expected, especially since I had no idea when they were coming back. I had just finished off the mug and was thinking about going to my quarters to get dressed and leave my friends to sleep in when the door to Obi-Wan's room opened.

The Padawan did not seem particularly surprised to see me as he exited his room, rubbing his face with a hand. "Morning," I greeted him quietly. "There's tea."

Obi-Wan nodded sleepily and wandered to the kitchenette to help himself, then wandered back over by me, saying nothing until after he had taken a few sips of the warm tea. I looked intently at him as he slumped into a chair and cradled the mug between his graceful hands. Like his Master, he had thrown off everything but trousers and fell into bed, and he too bore a small injury, a slight scrape on his jaw. "What time did you get in?" I asked.

"Very early in the morning." Obi-Wan looked up at the window and squinted at the light. "Maybe five hours ago." His gaze returned to me as he sipped his tea. "Did you know we were coming? Is that why you were in our quarters?"

"No," I confessed, "I've been sleeping in here the past few nights. I couldn't sleep, otherwise, I just couldn't get used to it."

A light chuckle came from him. His eyes sparkled with blue as he told me, "It was rather funny this morning when Qui-Gon came into my room and told me to look at what he found in his. Neither of us expected it."

"Sorry," I sheepishly grinned. "You knew I'd been in here, though." He nodded at that, but said nothing more. I gestured toward him. "Where'd you get the scratch? I noticed Master had a little bruise, too."

"There was a bit of an explosion, our last night on the planet," Obi-Wan explained. "We couldn't dodge all the shrapnel. We were all very fortunate, it could have been worse." He glanced at me, and I wondered if he sensed the sudden wave of dread and discomfort that washed over me. "The mission was a success. Everything turned out well. This..." He brushed his fingertips over the thin scratch. "...will be gone in a day."

I nodded bravely. "Good. I'm glad you're okay, and the mission was successful." I lifted my mug to try to cover my sudden flash of fear for their safety, but remembered I had finished off the tea, so I stared into it instead. "I'm glad you're back, though. How long do you have?"

"Before our next mission? A couple days, at least. Not too long, though." Obi-Wan's head turned toward me, and his eyes softened with an understanding smile. "Don't worry. We missed you, too."

"Thanks, Obi-Wan." I got up and went to put my mug away, promising I would be right back after I had gone to get dressed. Whatever had happened to them, and whatever awaited them on their next journey, it didn't matter. I had them back for a time, and I would spend every waking moment with my Jedi friends, doing as I promised myself and living the adventure to its fullest.


On to part 38

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