In A Strange Land, part 31
A whispering touch on my cheek woke me from a deep sleep, but before I could struggle to get my eyes open, it was followed by a hand gently shaking my shoulder. "Hmm...what..." I managed to groan before the shaking got any more insistent.
Qui-Gon spoke in a soothing purr. "I wanted to let you know that Obi-Wan and I are going."
"What?" I lifted my head and pushed myself up off the cot. The Master leaned back out of my way. "Going? Where?"
"We've been called away. A short mission," he explained.
Obi-Wan came out of his bedroom in full dress, tucking his comlink into a pouch on his belt. The lightsaber was hanging in its usual position, gleaming in the morning light. I stared at the two of them. "I thought you couldn't go anywhere till Adi cleared it," I mumbled, not understanding what was going on.
"We won't be leaving Coruscant," Qui-Gon gently assured, still speaking in a low voice. "We may be gone all day, however. The Supreme Chancellor has asked us to aide him in a small matter." His hand brushed over my head, imploring me to lay back down. "I would have left you a note, but I didn't know if you would be able to read it. It's all right. We'll be back later. Go back to sleep, if you can."
He rose, then, from his knees beside my cot, and nodded to Obi-Wan. The Padawan shot me a brief smile before following his Master out of quarters. The door hummed shut behind them, leaving the room suddenly silent.
I sat there for a few moments, blinking in the light and trying to come to grips with what had just happened. Confused, and a bit disconcerted, I finally laid back down and pulled my blanket back up around my shoulders. I wasn't offended that the Jedi left without me. As a matter of fact, I was rather relieved that they let me sleep in, and Qui-Gon had the courtesy to let me know rather than leave me to wake up and find quarters deserted. I threw an arm over my eyes to block the daylight and eventually fell back asleep.
It was the strangest day I had so far spent in this far, foreign galaxy. It had nothing to do with the idleness; the Jedi and I had been idle before, in between momentous events, but this was different. I wasn't on a distant and conflicted planet, I was on Coruscant, and inside the Jedi Temple. There was nothing for me to do, nowhere for me to go, and no one for me to visit with. Which, I suppose, could have been enjoyable, since there was no cloud of terror or worry over my head, but I was bored. I got up late and wandered about quarters for a while, wishing for a television or stereo to break the silence, and then decided to shower. I amused myself for a bit with the novelty of being able to run around Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's quarters with just a towel on, but that got old pretty quickly, and before too long I was sitting on the couch with my journal. Since I didn't know how to cook the food we had, or even what passed for a stove in their kitchenette, the only thing I could eat all day was fruit or bread, since it was easily recognizable and took no effort to make. For a brief time I toyed with the idea of trying to turn on the communicator and search around for news reports or something, but after staring at the buttons for a while I realized I would probably break something before ever figuring out how to turn it on, so I gave up.
The monotony was broken once during the middle of the afternoon, when the door beeped and I nearly flew off the couch in surprise. The alert tone was incredibly loud in the otherwise dead silent apartment. I got up and pressed the door pad, and gave another start of surprise as the door slid aside to reveal Mace Windu. He stared down at me, perplexed, for a moment, and then looked past me. "Where is Qui-Gon?"
No "hello," no "well, fancy running into you here," just "where's Qui-Gon." I shrugged. "He and Obi-Wan got called out this morning. Something about the Chancellor."
"The Chancellor called them?" Mace's eyebrows twitched. "I see. And they left you here alone?"
"Yes, and I'm bored," I admitted. "Don't worry, I'm coping just fine." I tilted my head and looked up at the Jedi Master. "Should I tell Qui-Gon you were looking for him?"
"No, that's all right," Mace assured. "I had a few free moments and wanted to speak with him about something, but it can wait. I will contact him later." With a nod, he backed away from the door and left.
I thought nothing of Mace Windu's visit, since I was starting to get used to his existence and wasn't surprised that while Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were temporarily assigned to Coruscant, Council members and other Jedi would be able to drop by and see them. I put it out of my mind as I returned to the couch and picked up my journal again, going back through weeks-old entries to reminisce on how far I had come. Then, I thought about what might have happened had Mace stopped by earlier in the day when I was fresh from the shower and only in a towel, and collapsed on the couch in hysterical laughter.
The door opened without fanfare when Master and Padawan came home, toward sunset. They swished in and both smiled upon spotting me, still sitting over on the couch and nibbling at some fruit that I had managed to find. "Hey," I said to them, closing the cover on my journal.
"That took a bit longer than I expected." Qui-Gon heaved a short sigh and smiled at me. "How was your day?"
"Long and boring," I griped. "What was it? Where'd you guys go?"
The two of them shared a quick glance. "Actually," Obi-Wan began, "we're not at liberty to say."
"Ooh?" I taunted. "Top secret?"
"You might say that," the Master answered, stepping in front of me and looking down. His shadow completely covered me. "What did you do today?"
"Nothing, except sit here." I pouted up at him. "And I'm hungry."
"There's plenty of food..."
"Yeah, but I don't know how to make anything. All I had all day was fruit."
The pout and the whine seemed to work. Qui-Gon frowned concernedly at me. "You must be starving, then. I'll take care of dinner right now. We should teach you to cook, if this happens again."
He turned and strode briskly toward the kitchenette, and immediately set about rattling dishes. Obi-Wan came over and sat down beside me. I gave him a quizzical look. "You really can't tell me what you did today?"
"Sorry, but no," the Padawan replied with a delightful smile. "It was the Chancellor's prerogative to ask us to stay silent. Don't worry. It wasn't exciting."
"I didn't think it would be." I then remembered something and called out to Qui-Gon. "Oh, Master! Mace Windu dropped by today while you were out."
"He did?" Qui-Gon reappeared. "What did he want?"
"He didn't say. He said he'd contact you later, when he has time. It didn't sound really important." Qui-Gon nodded at my report and returned to the preparation of dinner. I shrugged absently and picked up my journal again. I flipped back the cover of the notepad and paged through it idly, looking for a clear page but reading back over old entries in the meantime, much as I had been doing all day. As I did, my fingers naturally found a larger gap between pages and opened to it, and I instantly remembered why that gap was there. Nestled between the pages down by the spine of the pad was the sprig of white star-flowers. My hand automatically drifted down to touch them; I stroked them gently before turning a section of pages to cover them, hoping they wouldn't slip out and be lost, since they were already falling apart. Yet again I mentally reminded myself to do something about that, to preserve them before they were completely gone.
I continued to flip through pages of recent ramblings, all of them written in my usual erratic hand and therefore unintelligible to Obi-Wan. Nonetheless, he looked over my shoulder, peering curiously at the lines of hand-printed text. He didn't ask what any of it said, he was content to just sit there and watch as I reminisced. I glanced sidelong at him. "Find something interesting?"
"Oh..." Obi-Wan smiled like a boy caught in the middle of setting up a prank pratfall. "I was just thinking how strange your writing is. Very round and smooth. It's not like anything I know."
"Well, I don't have very neat handwriting," I cautioned. "I don't think you could read it even if I was using the right letters."
"I don't believe that," the Padawan scoffed. "I'm sure that where you come from, that is perfectly legible."
I laughed at him. "Yeah, you think so."
*****
For another few days nearly nothing happened, and I was starting to get very used to a new lifestyle that involved doing basically nothing and getting to spend a lot of time with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. It was too much to hope that it would last, but I was certainly enjoying every minute of it while it did. Master Qui-Gon took a lot of time carefully explaining Jedi control techniques to me, and we even practiced, though it was hard for me to know whether I was doing it right. The judgment of whether you had sufficiently masked your emotions was, after all, fairly subjective. "It depends on how much you want to reveal, and knowing how much to restrain yourself," he told me as we sat on the floor the first evening, trying to create an atmosphere conducive to Force-using. I was dressed down, as I had been since returning to Coruscant, in a loose, short-sleeved shirt and trousers, my feet bare, sitting cross-legged with my back against the couch. Qui-Gon knelt facing me, having set aside his robe but nothing else. Obi-Wan had left us alone so as not to interrupt the training. "Sometimes," the Master continued, "keeping every last bit of your thoughts under control is not only impossible, it is undesirable. As long as your mind is not open to intrusion by any random Force-user, you may find it easier to concentrate on controlling the emotions and thoughts which hurt you the most, and working past anger and fear. For you, that may be enough."
"Will that give me the patented Jedi blank stare?" I teased. That got me a scolding look, though, so I shrugged it off. "Sorry. You just always seem so...in-control, my friends and I used to call it the 'inscrutable look.' It's amazing to me, how controlled and calm you can be even when people are shooting at you."
"That look has not come to me without many years of practice," Qui-Gon said with a smirk. I grinned at him. "But you know, even I am not always in control. At least, not without exerting a great effort. Some of what you see in me is...simply the way I am," he said modestly, his voice quieted.
"If it's part of your personality, then there's no hope for me," I groaned.
The Master gave a mysterious smile. "I don't believe that." I frowned at him, hoping he would explain himself. "You are not as much of an extrovert as you think you are. You enjoy moments of quiet, moments alone, and large numbers of strangers have nearly the same effect on you as they do on me. Don't deny it," he added. "I have felt it."
I glanced shyly up at him, still towering over me even though we were sitting. "So, you think I can do it?"
"I have every confidence that you can, yes," Qui-Gon answered firmly. "Perhaps we should stop talking about it and start practicing it, to see for ourselves."
"Oh boy." I squirmed around for a bit, making myself as comfortable as I could. One of my feet was falling asleep. "What do you want me to do?"
"It will not help you to just sit here and concentrate on control when there is nothing for you to control," Qui-Gon began, scooting a little closer to me. "Thoughts and emotions are not passive, they are active. You have to be thinking about something or reacting to it in order for an emotion to be present, much less controlled. Right now, all you're feeling is trepidation."
"Is it any wonder, with you going on like this?" I dared him.
He smirked good-naturedly. "You see? I need to provoke you, in order for you to have something to control." He suddenly leaned in very close, and spoke in a commanding hush. "Whatever your reaction is, pleasant or unpleasant, I want you to control it. On casual observance, I should not be able to tell that my provocations are having an effect on you either way - neither that you enjoy it or are upset by it."
I swallowed and managed to whisper, "All right." Already, his proximity and the rumble of his voice were provoking quite enough of a reaction in me. I took a deep breath and relaxed my shoulders, trying to ignore Qui-Gon long enough to grab hold of the Force and begin using it.
Meanwhile, the Master sat back on his heels and watched, that too-familiar ambiguous shade of a smile on his face, his posture relaxed. For a while he did absolutely nothing but stare at me, until I started to wonder what in the world he was up to. I was getting suspicious, annoyed, and a little nervous, but then realized that was probably what he wanted. Ah, I get it. I'm not supposed to let him know that he's bothering me. All right then. I had a tenuous grip on the Force at that time, but as I went through the methods Qui-Gon had taught me, its presence became more obvious, and I shored up my thoughts behind an invisible wall so I could work on them without my observer catching on. It wasn't enough to just suppress or mask my feelings, Qui-Gon was trying to teach me "control," and that meant briefly analyzing my feelings and deciding which ones I could let go of and which ones to just set aside for later. And all within a matter of seconds, too. It wasn't easy, and I was sure as I caused my nervousness and suspicion to abate, I wasn't doing it right. But Qui-Gon suddenly murmured, "Good." I lifted my eyes toward his face, but before he could continue with whatever he had planned, the door beeped. The Master sighed. "I'm sorry. Don't go anywhere, I hope this will be brief, whoever it is." He pushed himself to his feet and went to the door, while I remained sitting quietly, still mentally toying with the Force to see if it could stifle, of all things, my curiosity. Then I heard Qui-Gon say something that made me completely lose my concentration. "Master Windu."
"Qui-Gon," came Mace's voice. Qui-Gon stepped aside, and I looked up as Mace came a step into quarters so the door could close behind him. He noticed me and nodded. "Good evening."
"Hi." I wasn't especially happy to see him, of all people, but he had been slowly improving in my eyes as of late. I decided to take this moment while Qui-Gon was distracted and try to control my annoyance and mistrust toward Mace Windu. After all, I was supposed to be practicing. What better practice could I ask for?
"I trust I'm not interrupting anything?" Windu said politely.
"Only a bit of meditation. It's fine. Please..." Qui-Gon gestured toward the sitting room, and both Masters glided over to have a seat. "Stacey mentioned that you had come by while Obi-Wan and I were out. Was there anything you needed?"
"No, I was...just taking advantage of a few minutes of time I had to myself." Mace flicked a glance my way. I mentally prided myself on not rankling under his gaze. "How are things?"
"Quite well, actually." Now I prided Qui-Gon on his cheerful demeanor, though unlike me, he probably really did feel as welcoming as he appeared. "Apart from an errand to the Chancellor the other day, we have been making the most of our time stationed here. I have been going over some exercises with Obi-Wan, following the incident on Salji."
"There is always room for improvement, I suppose," Mace nodded.
"For myself, mainly, yes," Qui-Gon smiled. "Though Obi-Wan is learning from my mistakes as well."
The two of them small-talked for a time, and I found myself zoning out. I was still working with the Force to separate my emotions from one another and discard the unimportant ones, becoming so absorbed in myself that I didn't hear a word of the conversation between the Masters. They were talking about Qui-Gon's plans, that much I gathered, but the rest passed over my head as if I wasn't even in the room. Inwardly, I wondered what Mace Windu was thinking of the look on my face, because I was still watching both Jedi, trying to appear alert, though nothing they said to each other had the power to move me. The exercise became tiring and boring, though, so after a bit I excused myself and went to find Obi-Wan.
The Padawan was in his room, but as I went in and let the door hum shut behind me, I couldn't tell if he was cleaning or making it worse. The datapads and books from the crates along the wall were scattered on the bed, bureau, and floor, while he stood there with a couple in his hands. He whipped toward the door as I came in, startled. "Oh. It's you."
"Who else would it be?" I looked around the room. "What in the world are you doing?"
Obi-Wan frowned studiously at the books he was holding. "I'm going through these to see if I can give any to the library or to other learners," he replied, arriving at some kind of decision that led him to put one book on the bureau and toss the other on the bed. "Who was at the door?"
"Mace Windu," I said airily. "He's talking to Master."
"Oh?" Obi-Wan continued his sorting without a pause. "What about?"
"I don't know. I wasn't paying much attention, I was working on the control exercises Qui-Gon taught me. I think I did pretty good, considering the interruption."
Obi-Wan glanced toward me with a smile, and then stepped over the pile on the floor to clear a spot on the bed for me. I plopped down in the middle of a clattering stack of datapads. "What were you trying to control?" he asked gently, both curious and considerate.
"Nothing much," I deflected. "Qui-Gon was saying something about provoking me so I had something to work with, but we didn't get very far before Mace showed up. I have no idea what he had planned, either," I added with a hint of mischief. "All I was feeling was suspicion toward Qui-Gon because I didn't know what he was going to do."
A light laugh burst out of Obi-Wan. "Well, you'll find you feel that often around Master Qui-Gon when he's training you," he remarked over his shoulder as he tossed a few more pads onto the floor. "I never know what to expect from him. That isn't a problem, though," he added, turning to face me. "I would be disappointed if my Master didn't challenge me."
"He knows what he's doing," I said admiringly.
Obi-Wan nodded. "That he does."
We talked a while, about the books on the bed and the way of things around the Temple, until I lost all track of time. The Padawan finished sorting, put the books he was keeping back in a crate, and sat down with me on the bed to watch me try and decipher the titles of some of them. There was a lesson-book on basic astrophysics, one or two tomes whose ponderous titles made me think they were philosophy, and several texts from before Obi-Wan had become an apprentice. "I have a tendency to collect things that are useful to me, just in case I can still get use out of them," he sheepishly admitted as he picked through the pile. "But...these are of no use to me anymore. I've grown beyond them. Some young initiate probably needs them more than I do."
"That's so nice of you," I complimented him, stifling a sudden urge to yawn. "What time is it?"
"Late," he answered, getting up and opening his door. The sitting room was dark, and Mace Windu was gone. We both went looking for Master Qui-Gon, and found him in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed as he took off his boots. "Master," Obi-Wan greeted him.
"Ah, there you are." Qui-Gon looked up at us and smirked slightly. "I was wondering if I had to go in and find out what you two were doing."
"We were talking," I assured, laughing. But the Master didn't seem much in the mood for humor. "What did Master Windu want?"
Qui-Gon sighed and shook his head. "Nothing. It's nothing for you to be concerned about. Oh..." Something suddenly dawned on him, and he winced. "Our training exercise. I'm sorry, time got away from me."
"It's okay. It got away from me, too." I was already backing towards the door, I knew when not to disturb Master Qui-Gon. "Tomorrow's another day, right?"
Qui-Gon sighed again, but this time with a grateful smile. "Yes, it is. We will resume tomorrow, right where we left off. All right?"
I agreed and left him to his privacy, to ready myself for bed elsewhere. For a brief moment as I changed I wondered what he and Mace had really talked about, having a sneaking suspicion that anytime Qui-Gon said it wasn't my concern he meant it was something I'd likely get upset about, but my curiosity passed quickly and I crawled into bed with dreams of what tomorrow might hold.
The next day was more of the same, and the next, as Qui-Gon split his time between encouraging my attempts at practicing control and working with Obi-Wan on his own training. I had expressed some concern that Qui-Gon would be frustrated and bored with being stationed on Coruscant for at least two weeks, but he calmly assured me that it was not so. While he wanted most to be in the field doing his duty, even he knew the worth of spending time in the Jedi Temple concentrating on the matters of the Force which made them Jedi. There were things that both he and his apprentice needed to learn and practice that could not be done in the field, so they made the most of their time on Coruscant. Though I didn't realize it at the time, there was actually a lot for Jedi to do within the confines of the Temple, and I would find out eventually just how they kept themselves busy when not in the field. For now, it was training-time for the Master's two apprentices, one official, one not.
I had learned the techniques in my head, though, so all that remained for me was to practice, and that meant waiting for opportunities to rile me up. In the meantime, I became more intimately acquainted with practice rooms, meditation chambers, and the long, quiet hallways of the Jedi Temple than I ever expected to be. It almost felt like Qui-Gon was being openly ignorant of the suggestion given many days before not to work with me, because we were highly visible around the Temple. I was allowed to go with the Master and Padawan wherever they did, regardless whether they were concentrating on the true training bond or working with me - and I noticed they were doing much more of the former and less of the latter, something I had no problem with. But the feeling of defiance I figured was my own, as I projected my own ill opinion of the Council, especially Mace Windu, onto the conversation that had gone on while I was in Obi-Wan's room. The two Masters were old friends, and whatever had come between them because of my mysterious presence had been resolved...right? I had more to be concerned with from other Jedi, as we started to get out of quarters a lot more and spend time in very public places. I couldn't help but notice the occasional questioning glance being thrown my way as I passed Jedi in the halls or saw them going about their own business of learning about the Force. I wasn't sure whether word had gotten out about me or not, so I couldn't be sure at that point if the curious looks were due to what I was or to the sight of a commoner trailing the Master-Padawan pair at work. Just what I need, I thought to myself as I walked and avoided a stare from a passing Knight. To be the source of gossip in the Jedi Temple. I didn't know what was worse: being a freak of nature or suspected of being a bit too close to Qui-Gon. For now, though, I figured those fears were in my head alone.
*****
I took more interest in the architecture of the hall than in our purpose for being there, as we entered and I found my eyes drawn upward by tall columns engraved with a climbing-leaf pattern. Qui-Gon's curt, authoritative tone brought me back from distraction, as he called me over and directed me to stand in a certain place. After a couple of days of watching the two of them spar and practice various forms of fighting, I had said something earlier in the day about wishing I could move with the grace and skill the Jedi had. Qui-Gon's response was to offer to teach me one of the simpler forms that all Jedi learned on their path toward mastering the body and the lightsaber as weapons. When we had some time to ourselves, then, and a small, private practice hall was free to our use, I was told to change into something comfortable and come with them for a little lesson.
After a brief warm-up, and a check to make sure my knee wasn't bothering me, the Master stood squarely in front of me and began to teach me the steps of a pattern, a kata (though he didn't use the word), so I guessed. It must have been a very basic one; Obi-Wan was so familiar with it that he unconsciously mimicked the moves as he stood watching. Qui-Gon patiently guided me to pose in each step, moving my hands and legs with a gliding touch until they were in the right positions, and then showed me how to flow between the steps. I giggled a little to myself, because I felt like I was doing tai-chi, but I managed to keep my composure to a sufficient enough level that Qui-Gon didn't scold me for my giddiness. We ran through the steps twice, three times, and then he quizzed me by having me run the kata by myself without his guidance or Obi-Wan's hinting. The Padawan stood off to one side, his hands clasped firmly behind his back to keep himself from imitating my moves this time. "Do you think you have it, now?" Qui-Gon asked.
"I think so," I replied. It had not been a very difficult pattern to memorize.
"Good." He was walking away from me, his back to me, but he then halted and turned, piercing me with determined eyes. "Double-time."
"What?"
"Faster."
Gaping at him, I shook my head and moved to obey, concentrating solely on the movements of the kata, trying to get them right and in the right order, so that I didn't worry about whether or not I was making a total fool of myself. The pattern revealed itself to be a fighting-form, not a serene tai-chi-like exercise, when done twice as fast. Noticing this, I felt a satisfied grin spread across my face. I was getting the hang of it.
Qui-Gon nodded as I finished and glanced back up at him. "Now. Use it."
"Master," I started to argue, unsure what he meant.
"Obi-Wan..."
Obi-Wan dropped his robe from his shoulders and left his position, his hands falling to his sides. I spun to face him, and saw him lift his hands into the first step in the kata. So that's what it's for, I realized. I lifted mine as well, and waited for him to attack me, which he did after a breath's pause. We were moving even faster than before, my mind racing to recall each step while frantically attempting to deflect Obi-Wan's hands and body as he came at me. I was being backed out of the center of the room, starting to forget movements until almost too late, and breathing heavily in between yelps of surprise. Fortunately, the short kata was over before I could do damage to myself.
Master Qui-Gon stepped over to join us as I tried to catch my breath, doubled over with my hands on my knees. "You wanted to learn this," he reminded me when I looked up at him with a wary glare.
"Yeah, but...I don't have your training," I reminded him right back, panting. "This is...hard!"
"That is because you fight like a civilian, not a Jedi," he smirked.
"But I'm not a Jedi," I said smartly, finally recovered enough to stand up straight and face him. "In case you didn't remember."
"But you do have the Force." Qui-Gon stood facing me, his hands hidden inside his sleeves. "Stacey, you have a remarkable gift, for someone who has not been trained from birth to be a Jedi. The Force is a part of you, and it would be unfortunate if you could not learn to integrate it into your life such as we have."
"So how do I use the Force to fight?" I wondered, giving Obi-Wan a cautious look. I half expected him to attack me again in answer.
"You do not use the Force to fight," the Master cryptically replied, his eyes twinkling as he glanced at me.
"Well then, what do you call what you do?" I dared.
Qui-Gon paced another step or two away in slow, silent contemplation, and suddenly whipped the brown robe from his shoulders as he spun around and lunged after Obi-Wan. The Padawan snapped to his defense instantly, and the two of them became locked in an intricate dance, a fine example of hand-fighting the likes of which I had never seen before. It was better than any action sequence in a movie, because it was all real and perfectly deadly. Qui-Gon may have been the best swordsman in the Order, but he did not like this type of fighting much and therefore was at a bit of a disadvantage against his apprentice, who was younger and had faster reflexes. Neither of them fumbled, both moving in choreographed precision, hands, feet, arms, bodies, striking, deflecting, avoiding. I stood dumbly watching, unable to even move out of their way, but they left me unharmed as they circled around me. The Master deflected Obi-Wan's hand and moved to grab him, but the Padawan nimbly snuck out of the grasp and, in the blink of an eye, had a hold of his Master's arm and flipped him over his back. Qui-Gon thudded to the floor, his breath forced out of him in a loud grunt.
I gasped. "Master!"
Groaning a little, Qui-Gon rolled onto his side and pushed himself up. "I'm all right." He gave a weak chuckle as he brushed himself off and patted Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Excellent move, young Padawan."
"Thank you, Master," Obi-Wan grinned.
But the Master was already focused on me again. "Did you feel the Force, at all?"
"Yeah," I admitted, still stunned that he had just been thrown. "I did feel it, sort of like when I felt it in the garage when you were fighting Niall. Only, not as strong this time."
He nodded. "The Force powered both of us, that is what you felt. But I was not using it, rather, it was using me."
"That doesn't make any sense," I complained. "I saw nothing different than what I've seen before. You use the Force to set aside your emotions so you can fight without anger or fear, don't you? How does that make it the Force using you and not the other way around?"
Qui-Gon shook his head, almost sadly. "You're not understanding me."
I relaxed a little and smiled hopefully. "Can you explain it to me?"
Qui-Gon hesitated a moment before answering, the smile returning to his eyes. "The movements your body makes, whether running, or leaping, or fighting with a lightsaber, are instinctive to it. The forms we learn as Jedi become ingrained in our memories, so that when we are called to use them, they flow from us without thinking." He stepped closer to me and tapped me lightly on the top of the head. "The move I just taught you is in here. Your mind has it stored, it is part of your memory. You have no need to call it to mind when the time comes to use it, it will come to you if you abandon yourself to the Force." He paused to see if I got it, but I frowned at him to get him to continue. He did, speaking with patience and control. "A Jedi allows himself to become a vessel used by the Force. The skills we learn remain in our minds to be used as tools when the Force requires. A Jedi does not think about how his body is moving, whether he is properly executing a move or successful in his efforts. The Force ensures that he is successful when he is abandoned to its will." He started pacing again as he explained more fully, "In any situation, when it comes time for me to take action, I empty myself of my knowledge and let the Force fill me. It uses the tools contained in my mind and body to accomplish its goal. I learned them, yes, and practiced them, but in the moment, it is not I who move but the Force moving me."
"But I can't do what you do!" I exclaimed with a laugh. "You don't even so much as stop and take a breath and meditate, the Force just comes to you like that -" I snapped my fingers. "- and the next thing you know you're in control! It's so natural! How do you do that?"
Qui-Gon chuckled. "Well, that has come to me after many, many long years of learning and practice. You may get to that level eventually, but not until you are much older than I am now, I'm sure."
"I don't think so," I demurred. "You and Obi-Wan have been doing this as long as you've been alive. I'm twenty-five years too late to catch up." I smiled up at him. "But I'll keep trying anyway. I want to be able to have the Force be a part of me like that."
The Master nodded and let a hand slide onto my shoulder. "And I will do my best to keep you out of situations where you will have to allow the Force a chance to use the tools you have."
"It's all tied together, isn't it?" I mused as I faced him in the center of the hall. Obi-Wan was picking up the robes cast on the floor behind us. "Instinct, the Force, your training, and your self. It's all part of one whole."
"Now you're starting to understand," Qui-Gon said proudly, his voice rumbling with warmth and admiration. We turned together and started making our way out of the practice hall. "Would you be interested in continuing to learn these forms?"
I thought about it for a moment, restraining myself from jumping up and down and yelling "Yes!!" "Well," I started to say, "I have always wanted to learn a martial art." I glanced slyly up at him out of the corner of my eye. "You're not going to teach me lightsaber technique, though, are you?"
"No, I think not," Qui-Gon said in gentle rebuke. "That would require much more of my time than I can afford to spare, and more training than I think you're willing to endure. Plus, you would have to build one."
"Darn," I muttered, though with humor. I didn't really expect to have such a chance anyway. "I think I would like to keep learning, yeah. I could use some exercise, I shouldn't just be sitting around here on my butt doing nothing."
"I think that is a very good reason to learn the forms," the Master agreed with an approving nod. "A little exercise will be good for you." He looked past me to the door and stopped suddenly, bringing me to a halt beside him. I looked up to find out what had arrested his attention. In the shadows between pillars stood a couple of brown-clad figures. "Masters," Qui-Gon greeted them politely.
I recognized Depa Billaba, but the Jedi with her was a stranger, about her height and slightly less human-looking. The two of them stood in composed silence, looking regal and deserving of respect, making me feel scruffy as I stood there in sweaty workout clothes. Master Depa stepped a little forward, holding Qui-Gon's gaze as she did. "We were told you had been seen coming here."
"Yes. I thought to use my time wisely, to practice with Obi-Wan." His eyes narrowed slightly. "How long were you watching us?"
"Long enough to have cause for concern," Depa replied, looking as genuinely concerned as she said. I expected her to say something about the tumble Qui-Gon had taken at the hands of his apprentice, but instead, she sprang on us with, "Have you not been ordered by the Jedi Council to refrain from teaching your charge anything to do with the Force?"
Master Qui-Gon straightened up a little, the question taking him as much by surprise as it did me. "Have I? No, I believe I have not been given such an order."
The councilor's expression did not change. She seemed disturbed, but not angry, as she shifted her wise gaze to me. At least, so I read in her face, since I was not able to sense what was really going on in her mind. "Still, I recall what was said when we met with you some days ago. There has been much in the way of rumor passing through these halls. You have been seen training this young woman as if she were another apprentice."
I started to shrink away as Obi-Wan came up beside me. Oh crap. We're in trouble again.
Qui-Gon shook his head slowly. "That is hardly the truth, Master. What you saw here is the most intensive our workouts have been. I don't know what it is you've heard."
"Even this 'workout' as you call it is too much," the other Master, the stranger, spoke up. His voice was controlled but serious, not irritable or annoyed in the least, giving a weight to his argument that previous arguments of the same nature with Mace or Ki-Adi lacked. "Why do you teach her things which many generations of initiates and Padawans have struggled for the right to learn?"
The answer came without hesitation. "Because she is capable, and willing."
"But she is not a Jedi, and you have a Padawan who needs your attention instead," Depa persisted. "I mean no offense, Master Qui-Gon. This situation is new to all of us. But it appears to me you ought to be exercising more caution."
"I take no offense, Master Depa," Qui-Gon assured. "However, there is much about this situation that no one understands but I." He glanced down at me with an intelligent, patient look in his eyes. "Stacey will never be a Jedi, but she is Force-sensitive. It would be to her advantage, and to ours as well, if she were given an opportunity to use it in whatever small capacity she has. And, I would prefer it if we were the ones who taught her what to do with it, rather than someone else with less pure motives."
The two interrupting Masters looked at each other. Depa added, then, almost as an afterthought, "Have you met Master Sullah? He has a long-standing position on the Council of First Knowledge."
Qui-Gon bowed his head briefly in respect. "Master. I have never met you in person, but I have heard of some of your research projects."
Master Sullah nodded in acceptance of the courtesy shown him. "Masters Depa and Eeth have kept me apprised of your situation, knowing it would interest me. The idea that life - human life - exists outside of our galaxy is fascinating indeed. For now, however, that information should be kept among the Jedi and not spread to the scientific communities or the public at large."
"I agree," Qui-Gon said quickly.
"Still, I cannot help but be disturbed, seeing you teaching this woman lessons which are more suited to Jedi apprentices training to become Knights. Many individuals with a greater level of sensitivity than she seems to carry have in the past been turned down for such training."
Qui-Gon had been handling the discussion without showing much emotion so far, but that comment made him frown slightly. "You may not know, Master Sullah, but I have trained three apprentices and been present countless times at the discovery of a Force-sensitive child who is to be trained as a Jedi. I know Stacey is a blank presence to most Jedi, but what I sense in her is not less than the traditional threshold for training." He shifted his gaze to Depa. "I would think, as unique and peculiar as her situation is, the Councils would be intensely interested to see how she reacted to developing her sensitivity, and whether or not it had the capacity to be developed."
Depa held his gaze for a moment, her dark eyes warming a little, but otherwise devoid of much expression. She carried herself with a surety and grace borne of wisdom, and did not back down from Master's challenge. "You may be right," she said unexpectedly. I nearly jumped up and down at that, because I was starting to fear that I was causing a serious division among Jedi Masters. But, I wisely controlled my reaction and remained still. "If it can be developed, then it would be interesting to see how much and in what way."
"You maintain that her sensitivity is dependent upon you?" Sullah asked. Qui-Gon nodded.
"But teaching her this..." Master Billaba held out a hand to roughly indicate myself and Obi-Wan, since we had been the ones fighting earlier. "...is beyond my understanding. I do not see how teaching her forms and defense is utilizing her Force-sensitivity." Her eyes narrowed, then, and a frown creased her elegant brow. "Do you still expect to be able to take her with you on your missions?"
My heart sank at that. Letting the Master teach me things about the Force was one thing. Letting me go on missions with him was quite another - I knew it, and I knew we would have to deal with it sooner or later. But this was too soon for me to have to confront it. I looked up at Qui-Gon, who heaved a sigh. "None of us know what the future holds for us. I should like Stacey to be prepared for anything that might come her way. As I said, she is more than capable of understanding the things I teach her, and she wishes to learn. Some people," he went on, with a lecturing air, "think the universe revolves around them, and they seek to know things because they wish to lord that knowledge over others, or turn it so that the teacher becomes like the student instead of the student like the teacher. But she is not like that. She has the willing mind of a Jedi apprentice, who seeks to know for the sake of knowledge itself."
I swelled with pride at that. What a compliment, coming from Qui-Gon Jinn! The Masters, though, didn't seem to have heard him. "All the same," Sullah continued, "teaching her to fight and to use the Force in that capacity is inappropriate. The Council of First Knowledge would like to see her grow and exhibit sensitivity, but it would be wrong to hinder her growth with this sort of instruction. She would be better off being tutored by a scholar rather than a Knight."
Qui-Gon sighed again, bowing his head. This Master Sullah had a point, as much as I hated to admit it. I wanted this to be over, now, but I continued to keep my thoughts to myself and just stand silently, half behind Master Qui-Gon. He spoke up after a moment's thought. "This is not the time nor place for this type of discussion. If you please, my friend is tired and I'm sure would like to wash up after exercise. My apprentice and I would also like to do so. We can be found in our quarters most of the day, if you would like to sit and discuss this at length."
Master Sullah stared at him for a moment, but then nodded. "That would be more appropriate, yes. We will be in contact."
He turned to go, but Depa remained behind briefly. She looked up into Qui-Gon's face. "You know that it is my duty to report what you have been teaching her," she said in a low voice.
Qui-Gon nodded once. "I know."
"Use caution from now on." She started to turn, but paused and looked back. "And after this, expect that the High Council will want to discuss with you this girl's future. You will be free to return to field duty soon, we must come to an arrangement before then." Depa completed her elegant turn, her long robes swirling around her feet, and left us.
After a moment of dreadful silence, Qui-Gon's hand found my shoulder again. "Well? Shall we return to quarters and wash up?"
I nodded halfheartedly and let him prod me forward. "Are you in trouble, Master?" I timidly asked as we went through the doorway.
"No. I'm not in any trouble." I heard a very slight note of amusement in his rich voice.
"But...what they said..."
"The Jedi Masters on both Councils have just begun to accept your existence and are trying to reconcile it with what we previously thought to be true about the universe," Qui-Gon pointed out as we strode down the hallway, my shoes and their boots tapping smartly on the stone floors. "They are several steps behind me and Obi-Wan in this regard. Because we have been with you almost constantly for more than two months, we have a greater knowledge than they."
I accepted his explanation and fell silent for the rest of the walk back to quarters. Master Qui-Gon was reassuring enough, and his logic seemed impeccable, but I couldn't help but be wary of the councilors. The scholarly Master Sullah especially. What he had said about the lessons being inappropriate was rankling, but there was a seed of truth in it. It was not Qui-Gon's place to be giving me basic instruction in Jedi forms and techniques. At this point, with most of the High Council taking up a position contrary to him, I wondered what his motivation was to continue to do so anyway. But, the responsibility of decision was being taken out of my hands and placed in Qui-Gon's instead, despite the fact that I was a grown woman who could think for herself. That was okay by me, even though it made me feel a bit underestimated. It was clear after these few days in the Temple that I was still out of my element and a long way from home, and it was rather comforting to know that Qui-Gon could handle the decision-making on my behalf. As we returned to quarters and put the disquieting interruption behind us, though, I worried that the only thing to come was more conflict.