For whatever reason my body had wakened me earlier than I expected, and after lying there for some time I realized I wasn't going back to sleep, so I got up to see what was going on. The sitting room was deserted, but I knew I was not the first to wake. A moment's reaching with the Force and I knew where the Jedi were - Obi-Wan was down the hall somewhere, and Qui-Gon was on the second floor, probably checking on our unexpected guests. I wondered briefly if the Master had a reason for not waking me to join in morning meditation, but put it aside with relief, because I relished the extra moments of sleep. I had dressed and even broken my fast with the juice and fruit left on the table when Obi-Wan strode confidently into the room, a bright smile dawning on his face when he saw me standing there. "Good morning," he greeted cheerfully.

"Morning," I mumbled between nibbles of a sweet native fruit I had come to enjoy greatly. "What's going on?"

"Master Qui-Gon wanted to see to the Chadra-Fan who stayed the night," he replied, picking up a piece of fruit and casually inspecting it. "I looked in on Shassa and her kin, as well. They're all doing fine, I believe most of them merely needed a safe night's rest to recover."

"Shassa's okay?" I asked for confirmation. I really liked the caretaker, she was sweet and it was extremely painful to me to see her injured.

"Yes, she will be fine. Although I pity her family," Obi-Wan added with a grin. "Trying to convince her to stay in bed and rest will be next to impossible for them. Korin muttered something about tying her down."

"He wouldn't!" I grinned in return, thinking of Shassa bossing her family around from her bed like a ship's captain commanding from the big chair on the bridge. "That's good. I was worried about her. She's kind of old."

"Shassa has a number of good years left in her, I think." Qui-Gon's rich voice sounded from the doorway as he entered, the lean grace of his limbs accentuated without the dark robe concealing them. He was rolling his undertunic sleeves down, and crossed the room with a bit of lilt to his step. "I checked on her myself earlier. Her family is well, then?"

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan affirmed. "And the others?"

"Most of them should be free to return home today, if they have homes left to return to," the Master answered seriously. "We would not have transported anyone with traumatic injury here anyway. I can only hope the supplies we gave Kalinda will be enough." He turned his gaze to me and smiled. "Good morning to you."

I smiled shyly in reply. "You didn't wake me for meditation."

"You were exhausted, I thought it best to let you sleep," he explained.

"I don't even remember going to bed," I said in chagrin.

Qui-Gon heaved a short chuckle. "It doesn't surprise me. You were fast asleep when I carried you to your room, and it wasn't all that late." I couldn't help the pleased feeling that thrilled through me, and he must have sensed it, because the smile intensified. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, very well." I looked away as I bit into the fruit, hoping to conclude the conversation there before my imagination could run completely away with me. Qui-Gon seemed to me to be in an extremely pleasant mood, but intense, as if he had a schedule to keep and would not be deterred from it by even a moment's frivolous chat. He wandered away for a brief moment, to the chair where his robe lay draped over the back, and picked it up to put on. I sank into the nearest chair while I finished off my breakfast, and looked back up to his leonine face when he returned to my side. "Have you contacted Coruscant yet?"

"No, not yet," he replied. "There were other things I needed to do first. I think I shall take care of that right now." The Master nodded at both me and his apprentice, turned sharply on his heel, and strode briskly out of our quarters. The long-range communicator was in a room closer to the main door of the temple, where transmissions could be made with an expectation of relative privacy and peace. I expected the call he had to make would take a while, so I busied myself in quarters for a time.

I intended to stop in and visit Shassa later, perhaps even bring her lunch or something. I could think of no better way to show my concern and my gratitude for all the things she had done for me. There was still some cleaning up from the quake damage that needed to be done, especially since a couple of minor aftershocks had rattled things again during the night. With Obi-Wan's assistance, I moved furniture and picked up tumbled objects, though he got underfoot more often than not. I dismissed him from helping me any further as I carried the little cup with my flowers into the kitchen to fill it up with more water. I noticed on the way that the star-blossoms were already starting to wilt, and doubted fresh water would help reverse that, but I could at least preserve them for another day or two before determining what to do with them. I didn't want to just throw them out, they were a gift from Obi-Wan. Maybe... I thought as I filled the cup. Maybe I can figure out some way of pressing them. Then I could keep them. I started thinking of a way of doing so, but as I carefully arranged the spray of white blossoms against the side of the cup so as not to damage the tender petals, I became aware that I could hear Qui-Gon. It was not very much of a surprise to hear his voice, but something was not right. I was in the kitchen, the communications room was well down the hall. Was he...yelling?

Leaving the cup there on the counter, I crept out of the kitchen's side door and stole down the hallway, easing up to the wall beside the door from which the Master's voice intruded. No, he was not yelling, but I could tell that the topic of discussion evoked a strong reaction out of him. I wondered who he had contacted. I knew it was rude to eavesdrop, so I peeked my head around the door. Qui-Gon sat at a console which gave him an unobstructed view of the doorway from the side, his attention on the holographic head-and-shoulders gleaming from the communicator's emitters. He noticed me right away, but merely glanced out of the corner of his eye to acknowledge me before returning to the transmission. "If you had only seen the damage, you would not have hesitated to do the same thing," he told the receiver with a slight note of irritation. "The cost to the Jedi is minimal. Those supplies were merely gathering dust in the center's storage rooms."

"Very well, but I expect a full report on what was given away," came the voice, which I recognized right away. Mace Windu. "Quakes are common on Chad, are they not?" Qui-Gon nodded slowly, leading me to surmise that a holographic representation of him appeared somewhere across the galaxy on Windu's console. "That may have been why some Jedi abandoned the center. Safety is a factor when choosing a retreat center."

"The center has withstood countless quakes, and it survived this one intact," Qui-Gon argued. "It is not the sort of issue to be debated over a communicator, however. I will have a full report when I return, and the Council can choose then whether to abandon Chad entirely or make it worth the Order's time and money to maintain the center here. And before you ask, I will tell you: yes, I have found answers to many of the questions I had before embarking on this retreat, and I will report that to the Council as well when I return to the Jedi Temple."

The holograph twitched a little, as if Mace were shifting in his chair or something. "Well, you may have to save that report. There is a mission waiting which the Council has agreed that you and your apprentice would be the most qualified to carry out, and we're sending you there at once."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes briefly and let out a sigh. I remembered that he had predicted just such a thing, or so Obi-Wan said. Qui-Gon then glanced toward me. "Just a moment, Master Windu." He pressed a button on the console and turned his chair to face me. "Is there something you need?"

"No, I was just...wondering how it was going. Do you want me to leave?"

He sighed again and glanced at the image paused before him. "It's not necessary, but..."

"I'll go," I decided before he could say any more. He smiled slightly as I moved out of the doorway and returned to the kitchen to retrieve my flowers.

As I carried the cup back to my room and put it in its place on the dresser, curiosity started gnawing at my mind. What sort of mission could be so important that the Jedi Council would have Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sent to carry it out without even stopping back on Coruscant? And where did that leave me? Qui-Gon wouldn't have the opportunity to tell the Council what he discovered about the limits of my Force sensitivity, or why he felt it important to keep me in his company. I couldn't get to Coruscant all by myself, could I? I may be a young adult, but I did not consider myself acquainted enough with the way of life in this galaxy to go wandering around interstellar space alone just yet. But an immediate mission was probably dangerous - too dangerous for an extra side-kick. I stood there beside my dresser absently stroking the petals of the flowers while I thought, until my worry and fear increased enough that I felt the need to seek out answers. Fortunately, Obi-Wan was still in the sitting room where I had passed him a few minutes before. He looked up as I approached him sitting in a comfortable chair near the windows. "Well. Is everything to your satisfaction?" He noticed the serious tone to my face, then. "What's wrong?"

"I stopped by to see what was taking Qui-Gon so long, and I heard Mace say something about a mission," I told him, trying not to look so worried. "You guys wouldn't leave me here or anything while you went on another mission, would you?"

Obi-Wan's brow furrowed with a frown. "I don't know. I suppose it depends upon the mission. What is it?"

"I don't know. I left Qui-Gon alone so he could get the details without me hanging over his shoulder."

The Padawan pushed himself out of his chair and gestured with a hand. "Come on, let's find out. It can't be that bad."

"Bad enough to make you cut your retreat short," I noted.

Obi-Wan gave no indication he heard me say that, as he breezed through the corridors ahead of me and paused just outside the comm room. The discussion was still going on, but this time, we did not make our presence known. Obi-Wan leaned his back against the wall and folded his hands to wait, so I leaned my shoulder on the wall next to him and settled in to listen if I could. Qui-Gon's voice was quieter than before, but no less intense. "You're serious," he was saying, as if in disbelief.

"She's a danger to you, Qui-Gon," Mace warned. "It's not a good idea to have her along."

I turned sharply to Obi-Wan, my eyes widening. They were talking about me. Obi-Wan placed a finger to his lips to signal me to keep quiet and glanced away, listening keenly to the snatches of conversation drifting out the open doorway.

"You speak of her like she's a criminal - or worse, a child," Qui-Gon complained in a calm voice. "She is neither. She's with me of her own choice, not mine, and she is in no way as helpless as a child. She's older than Obi-Wan, and can make the right choices. You don't know what we've discovered while on this retreat."

"Qui-Gon, I strongly object to any notion of you bringing this girl with you on this mission, or any mission for that matter," Mace argued, raising his voice a bit. "I don't care what you've discovered, a Jedi is not a babysitter. You did hear everything I said about this mission, didn't you?"

"Yes, and I will not change my mind," Master Qui-Gon insisted, allowing a note of determination to creep into his deliberately restrained voice. "She may be useful to us. Do not underestimate Stacey, Master Windu. She has a strong heart, and has proved to me by her actions thus far that her assistance is valuable to me. She saved my life. She didn't panic over being shot at or stalked or nearly killed a number of times, and she trusts me to the point of being willing to obey me even if I were to tell her to stay where it's safe. I will not leave her behind."

"I'm not suggesting you do. There are other options."

There was a tense pause. I pictured Qui-Gon on the other side of the wall, allowing a stern frown to gather on his features. "The one thing I will not do under any circumstances is put her on a transport alone, to make her way back to Coruscant without anyone to guide her," he declared at last, his voice hushed and angry. "That would be more dangerous than bringing her along. I will not put her in that position."

"So you would rather bring her with you on an extremely dangerous mission to a remote system?" Mace retorted, also speaking in a hush. His voice was growing harder to hear over the communicator, though I caught something like a frustrated growl. "Qui-Gon, you're not seeing it. This is all wrong."

"What is wrong?"

Mace muttered something threatening, then, but all I caught was two words: Dark Side. A glance at Obi-Wan told me he heard that much too, and his eyes darkened with an offended frown. Silence drifted from the room beside us. I wished I knew what Qui-Gon was thinking, but I was afraid to reach out with the Force and find out. His emotions, when evoked, could be powerful. He held them in check with great restraint, but his voice was cold as he replied. "That is an absurd notion," he murmured. "I cannot believe you suggested that."

"What do you really know about her?" Mace Windu's voice purred out of the communicator.

"More than you do, old friend," Qui-Gon grumbled. "This retreat has been valuable, I have gotten to know her very well. Our friendship is certain. I have even meditated with her and seen deep into her."

The other Jedi Master made no comment to that, but huffed stubbornly. "Nevertheless, I believe you would be unwise to drag her along to Salji. Think of her safety, as well as your own."

"Stacey is as safe with me as she would be anywhere in this galaxy," Qui-Gon replied immediately, his sharp tone implying that he had had quite enough of this discussion. "This is not a mere project of mine, or some unfortunate stray I've picked up in my travels. She is important, and her Force-sense is tied to mine because of our experiment with the midi-chlorians. If I had time to return to Coruscant I would explain everything to you, everything we discovered while on this retreat. Until I can do so, you will just have to trust my judgement."

"Very well. But heed my objections to this, Qui-Gon. It could be trouble." They traded a few more words, solidifying plans for a transport to come pick us up on Chad within the next day or so, and signed off.

For a long time Master Qui-Gon did not stir. I glanced up at the Padawan beside me, questioning, and he held my gaze for a moment before stepping forward and poking his head around the doorway, wondering, "Master?"

I heard a heavy sigh and the creak of the chair. "Obi-Wan, have I not taught you that it's impolite to eavesdrop?"

"I'm sorry, Master, but...I was curious to know if everything was all right." Obi-Wan looked up, I figured he was meeting Qui-Gon's eyes as the Master stood. "We have an assignment, then?"

Before I could step forward and join the apprentice as he huddled at the edge of the doorway, Qui-Gon's tall shadow moved into the entrance and he came into the hallway. He didn't seem particularly surprised to see me hiding behind Obi-Wan. He stood there and gazed at me for a moment, his face blank, and then nodded at both of us. "Come, to our rooms. I will tell you everything there."

One after another, we marched to the suite at the other end of the temple and through the door, which I closed behind us. Qui-Gon meandered across the room, his hands clasped behind his back, seemingly more interested in the scenery outside the windows than the news he carried. He waited until the doors were closed and Obi-Wan and I had taken seats in the chairs near the window. "What is it?" his apprentice asked.

"We are being sent to a distant territory of the Republic, a planet called Salji," the Master began, keeping his back to us for the time being. "It's so obscure that not even I knew of it until receiving this information. A Jedi Knight was sent there to mediate a land dispute between regional factions, but was drawn into the conflict and went...rogue." He turned slowly, glancing over his shoulder at Obi-Wan at first, then finally facing us. Obi-Wan apparently took the news hard, for his face sobered dramatically. I didn't understand, but before I could ask, Qui-Gon explained. "He allowed himself to take sides in the dispute, and chose his own desires over his responsibility as a Jedi. He is rumored to have killed a number of civilians, as well as another Jedi who was sent to investigate why he would not return communications to the Council. Our mission," he added, even more seriously, "is to apprehend this Jedi Knight and return him to Coruscant to face trial. Or, to destroy him, if he leaves us no choice."

Now I understood why both Jedi looked crestfallen. The death of one Jedi at the hands of another was the most serious crime they knew of, and it was up to them to bring the offender to justice. "Who is he?" Obi-Wan wondered quietly.

"No one I know personally. His name is Niall Oberanu, a Chagrian who is skilled in investigative techniques and is a master of the lightsaber. At least, that is the impression I got from Master Windu's report." Qui-Gon started to pace slowly in front of us, almost silhouetted against the bright windows. "More information will be sent with the transport that is coming for us, as well as supplies for the trip to Salji."

"Supplies?" I questioned. "Why, is it a long trip?"

"The journey to Salji isn't, no, but the planet itself is harsh. The region to which we must go is covered in snow three-fourths of the year." I groaned at that, but said nothing. Qui-Gon dismissed my complaint with a short sigh. "One other thing," he continued, ceasing his pacing long enough to face me and Obi-Wan. "Master Adi Gallia will be joining us on Salji. It was her project, her intelligence contacts who brought us the information on Niall's activities and the death of the Jedi Knight sent after him. I'm guessing she feels a personal responsibility to correct Niall's failure."

I folded my hands in my lap to keep from fidgeting. I was starting to understand why Mace complained so much about how dangerous it would be. "So, she'll be on the transport when it comes?"

"No," Qui-Gon quickly corrected. "She is already on her way to Salji. She will meet us when our transport lands there, it is up to her to make things secure for us. I do not have all the information I need to determine a course of action, yet, but will by the time we reach Salji."

Obi-Wan nodded his acceptance of the mission, but made no comment. I, however, was bugged by what we had overheard and wanted to know something. "Master," I cautiously began, "why was Mace Windu so adamant that you not take me along on this mission? I mean...I kind of see his point. It does sound dangerous."

"No more or less dangerous than any other mission I have ever accepted," the Master replied, averting his gaze. "Master Windu is...concerned. Not so much for our safety, but for my ability to do my duty."

I watched him for a silent moment, at the uncertain tension in his face, the way he refused to look at me. "If I'm going to keep you from doing your duty," I reasoned, "maybe it is a good idea I don't go along. That's the last thing I want to do to you."

"Mace Windu's concern is unfounded," Qui-Gon instantly countered, lifting his head and focusing on me at last. "You won't be in the way, not if we have Adi Gallia there to assist us, and she has contacts on the planet with whom we will stay." His urgent look faded. "How much did you overhear?"

I looked at Obi-Wan, who spoke up before I could answer. "Only a little, Master. We came as you were arguing with Master Windu about whether to bring Stacey along on this mission. Are you sure it's right to put her in harm's way again? Especially now..."

His voice trailed off uncertainly, and both I and Qui-Gon looked at him with slight smiles. "I don't see how now is any different than before," Qui-Gon said wisely. "The knowledge we each carry does not increase nor decrease the need to watch out for each other's safety." He shifted his eyes to me, and then stepped forward until he was facing and addressing me alone, his hands clasped in front of him beneath the folds of his sleeves. "But, I will leave the choice to you. I won't presume to speak for you, my friend. You can make choices on your own. You know as much as I do about this mission to Salji. It may well be perilous, for a Jedi Knight who has fallen and will go to any lengths to preserve himself certainly is a danger. I can't guarantee anything, other than that Obi-Wan and I will be hard at work tracking down and bringing in Niall, and Adi Gallia will be there. You can come with us, or you can catch a transport back to Coruscant and wait at the Jedi Temple for us to return."

I looked up at him standing over me, at the complete acquiescence in his eyes, and then shot Obi-Wan a quick glance for consultation. The apprentice was calm, but his eyes radiated concern. "I don't want to take a transport by myself," I pointed out for starters. "I don't know anything about traveling in space, I'd be afraid I'd never reach Coruscant. I don't know a friendly transport captain from an unfriendly one, I don't want to be hijacked or kidnapped or anything."

"As I suspected," Qui-Gon nodded. "You want to come with us then?"

I nodded firmly.

"It's not going to be easy, like sitting around Chad," Obi-Wan reminded me.

"I know. I don't care. I'd rather be with you two, or at least close to you. Like Qui-Gon has said, there's no telling how it would affect my sensitivity to the Force if I was separated from you, and I'm not about to go testing his theories now."

"Yes, this is not the time to be testing theories about your strength in the Force," the Master acknowledged, turning to pace again. "Very well. I had already told Mace that you would be with us, but those plans are easily changed if you should change your mind. You are also welcome to stay on Chad until we have completed our task."

I grinned. "Uh...no, that's okay. I like the Chadra-Fan, but...I think I've had enough."

"Very well, then." Qui-Gon nodded his agreement and moved away from the windows, crossing the room again. "It will be cold, on Salji. Can you handle that?"

"I live in...lived in a cold region of my planet," I answered nonchalantly, grinning at having to change perspective. "Winters there are long and cold and snowy, and I put up with it. I'm no stranger to the cold."

"That is good," the Master acknowledged with a little smirk, "though it will be something of a shock boarding a transport in summer and landing in midwinter. I have assurances that among the supplies sent to us will be warmer clothing, and boots for you."

"Me? Ooh!" I turned around in the chair to see him, for he was now standing directly behind me, picking something up from the table. "Thank you, Qui-Gon!"

He smiled modestly. "It was only the natural thing to do. Though Master Windu was not happy to hear it, he did take my requests seriously. If you are to be with us, you need all the proper equipment."

My mind noticed his remark about Mace, and brought a recollection of the muttered words I had overheard. I rested my chin on the back of the chair and gazed concernedly at Qui-Gon. "What did he say that you thought was so absurd?"

Obi-Wan shifted around in his chair to watch his Master reply to my query. Qui-Gon, to his credit, did not hide anything from me, though his face fell and he sighed sadly before answering. "He told me that it is his belief that you might be..." He paused, glanced uncomfortably toward me, and steeled himself to say it. "...an agent of the Dark Side."

I felt my eyebrows leap so high I thought they'd fly right off my head. "A what?" I asked for clarification.

"Someone who uses the Dark Side of the Force for their power. To him, it would explain why he cannot sense you. One tool of the Dark Side is the ability to mask one's presence in the Force, so as not to be detected. It is Mace Windu's theory that you might be a spy of some sort, gathering information to use against the Jedi." His gaze held mine, his eyes dark and shimmering with indignance. "But, he does not know you like I do. I have looked into your mind, and felt the unrestrained emotions flowing from you. You would have to be a greater Jedi than Master Yoda to be able to manipulate your thoughts and feelings to perform that complicated a deception."

I cringed under the power of his stare, even though I knew his inward feelings were not directed at me. "You have my word, Qui-Gon. I'm nothing more than what you see. A girl who comes from far away, with no Force training and no Force at all without the midi-chlorians you gave me."

Qui-Gon's eyes softened. "I know. I trust you and believe you have been honest with me from the moment I met you. I sense you would be unable to deceive me even if you wanted to."

"Yet, Master Windu thinks she may be a student of the Dark Side?" Obi-Wan exclaimed in disbelief. "How could he make this assumption?"

"He does not have the knowledge we do, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon gently explained. "He cannot sense her like we can. And he has not spent the time with her that we have, nor gone through the experiences we have had. I am confident that when we return to Coruscant following this mission, and I have taken time to explain my findings from this retreat, he will have no cause to continue to believe such a theory."

"You hope," I added. Master Qui-Gon smirked very slightly, but did not agree. I shrugged. "Well, okay. I think I might have expected something like that from him, he doesn't seem to like me very much."

"He just doesn't know you," the Master assured. "Master Windu must be careful, he is a senior member of the Jedi Council. Much responsibility rests on his shoulders. Don't hold this against him."

"I won't." But I figured that my generally poor opinion of Mace Windu wouldn't help me in that regard, as I already carried a grudge for things he had not even done or said yet. I made a conscious decision to back off on him for now, at least until after Qui-Gon had gotten his chance to explain his findings to the Council. If Mace still thought I was an agent of the Dark Side then, I figured I could write him off completely. I sat there thinking about this while Qui-Gon wandered into his room, and Obi-Wan stirred in his chair, turning himself back around and staring absently out the windows. I glanced in his direction and wondered, "What?"

"I don't know how anyone could believe you belong to the Dark Side," he muttered, shaking his head. "They're not giving you a fair chance."

"It's okay, Obi-Wan," I said reassuringly. "It doesn't really bother me. I kind of expected no one would understand me, I mean...I'm making a claim to being from another galaxy. I didn't expect anyone, especially not you and Qui-Gon, to believe me."

Obi-Wan's eyes traveled slowly toward me, and a smile awakened on his face. "But we know it's the truth. Just by being around you, observing your reactions to things, I know you're exactly who you say you are."

"And I'm glad," I smiled back at him. "I'd be so lost without you two."

The blue-green eyes dropped away shyly. "Yes, well...things would be much less interesting if you were not here."

The coy innocence playing across the Padawan's face and dripping from his elegant voice made me want to squeal out loud, but I kept it in check, allowing myself only a huge grin. "Come on, Obi-Wan...let's get some lunch. I said I would bring Shassa her lunch and visit with her a bit, and it's about that time of day."

"That was kind of you," Obi-Wan noted.

"Agreed." Qui-Gon stepped into the room again, pausing in the doorway to his bedroom and smiling over at us for what he had overheard. "You should spend time with Shassa today, as we all should, to make parting less abrupt. Our ship will be landing in Kalinda's spaceport sometime around midday tomorrow, so say your farewells while you have the chance."

I nodded at him, and everything finally hit me. We were going to be leaving in about twenty-four hours. Leaving Chad, without any expectation of ever returning even for a visit, and going away to some distant, dangerous planet called Salji where it was cold and a rogue Jedi needed to be apprehended. My heart sank. The retreat was over. Another Jedi mission had begun.

*****

I wandered aimlessly through dark, quiet rooms, taking one more lingering look at the places in the temple which had become as familiar as home to me in the space of a week. It was late, and though I was tired and should have gone to bed, I wanted to take a walk in the dark and imprint this peculiar place on my memory, to savor when times got rough or I found myself in even stranger lands yet. I figured I would always remember the view from the windows that looked eastward over the lake, the round table where my friends and I had taken meals and had a blistering argument, and the soft chairs where we had sat on several occasions to trade stories and delight in each others' presence. At the moment, I was alone. I had already changed into my sleep clothes, loose pants and a short-sleeved shirt, but figured that the Jedi wouldn't care if they caught me pottering around the sitting room in my pajamas. We hadn't done much all day; I talked long with Shassa to keep her company while Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan escorted some of the Chadra-Fan back down to Kalinda, and we saw to the last of the repairs and clean-up around the Jedi center, but nothing more strenuous than that. With preparations to make and plans beginning to form in their minds, the Jedi seemed aloof, having settled back into the calm, inscrutable demeanors expected of their brown-robed figures. And yet, something was different. In a vague way, they felt to me like their Jedi exterior was softer, happier, not quite as stern and grim as I used to expect them to be. True, they were still serious, and in appearance were the great Jedi Knights who first stepped into my mind when they stepped off a red-hulled cruiser in a film in a galaxy far away, but my perspective of them had changed. Things were not the same between us as they were a week ago.

I thought about it as I stood in the dark sitting room, letting my eyes adjust to the blue moonlight pooling on the floor. Have I ruined things by being here? Why the heck am I here, anyway? I wandered away from the windows, circling around the furniture. C'mon, Force, tell me why I'm here. It's not so I can have some kind of fantasy adventure with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. But, as expected, the Force was as silent as the night, and I had no more ambition to wonder. Master Qui-Gon was probably right, whatever was meant to be would happen if we just let it, and sooner or later - probably later, just my luck - some reason for my strange trip would come to light.

As I passed close to the doors to the rooms where my two companions slept, I heard the quiet pad of feet in the corner room. Apparently, Qui-Gon was not asleep yet, though he had already made it clear that he was tired and was going to bed. No sound came from Obi-Wan's room, and his door was closed, but the door to the other bedroom stood open. I set one hand on the door frame and peeked around it, timidly whispering, "Qui-Gon?"

The Master turned toward me, straightening up. He had bent over to switch off the one lamp still giving one far corner of the room a soft golden glow, but seeing me, decided to forego his plan. He was also readied for bed, stripped down to undertunic and light leggings. "You're still awake," he noted, keeping his voice lowered for the sake of his sleeping apprentice next door.

"So are you," I pointed out. "I thought you were going to bed."

"I couldn't sleep," he admitted with a soft smile. He held out a hand, inviting me in, so I took a couple hesitant steps into his bedroom. I had not seen it all week, apart from a glimpse or two through the open doorway. It was really nice, spacious with a view both east and south, though now the curtains were drawn on all but one of the windows. Qui-Gon had left one eastward window clear so the moonlight would fall on the bed. He moved slowly around the bed to greet me, his bare feet noiseless on the cold stone. "I take it you had something of the same problem?"

I shrugged, self-consciously wrapping my arms around myself. "I didn't feel like going to bed just yet. I wanted one last look around. If only I could take pictures to remember it all."

The Master's eyebrow twitched, but he chose not to ask whatever question had flitted to mind. "Of course. It is likely you may never see this place again. Enjoy it while you can."

"That's what I keep telling myself," I grinned. "I want to enjoy every moment I am here, good and bad, just in case my stay is suddenly cut short and I find myself back home. I wouldn't trade this for anything."

Qui-Gon smirked as he seated himself on the corner of the bed. "Even the bad?"

"Even the bad," I nodded, fighting a frown. "And I guess we've had some bad times. Look," I added before he could say anything, "I'm sorry I started that argument the other day. I was in a bad mood, I said a lot of things I didn't mean and should have kept to myself. It was my fault."

"No," Qui-Gon interjected. "Blame lies with all of us. I should have been more open, and not kept everything to myself. But...as you've apologized for your part, it's time I apologized for mine."

I smiled again. "Forgiven." He nodded once, his eyes twinkling happily. "I didn't mean to be such a jerk. Really, I'm not like that. I don't usually speak out, even if I'm right."

"Perhaps, if you had not spoken out, even if it was in anger, we would all still be harboring our own thoughts and thinking the worst of each other," the Master reasoned. "Something had to be said. It is unfortunate that most of it was said in anger."

I nodded seriously, averting my gaze to the floor. In fleeting moments since the argument I had pondered the things he had said, both out by the lake and around the table, and now seemed as good a time as any to ask him about them. "Qui-Gon," I started to say, keeping my voice light, "there's...um, one thing I don't understand. You said you were trying to control your emotions - and I know that's what a Jedi is supposed to do - but you also said you were trying to get the feelings you had to cease." His face grew more drawn, his eyes cast down. I was starting to regret asking him about it, but it was too late now. "Is that what you're supposed to do? Not have feelings?"

Qui-Gon sighed lightly before answering. "No, not at all. One tenet of Jedi philosophy says, 'there is no emotion, there is peace.'" I nodded, recognizing it. "That does not mean a Jedi is devoid of emotion, but rather that he is in control of it, so that no single emotion can control him. A Jedi can still feel, and does feel. I feel many things deeply," he explained, folding his hands and resting them on one knee. "I cannot help but feel compassion for beings in need, such as the Chadra-Fan yesterday. I feel loyalty toward my allies, and toward those I have come to help. I feel great admiration and love for Obi-Wan, my Padawan," he added with a smile, though it faded as he thought of what to say next. "Perhaps I...chose the wrong course of action for dealing with what I felt toward you," he murmured, so quietly that I unconsciously leaned toward him to catch his words. "It has been a long time since these particular emotions surfaced in me. I did not - and still do not - understand why I feel them now, and why, of all the women I know and who have passed through my life recently, only you have stirred them in me." He lowered his eyes, as if ashamed, shrugging one shoulder. "You are nearly as young as my apprentice, young enough to be my daughter if I had ever had one. But..." His eyes closed, and he let out a ragged sigh. "...they are there. I can't deny that. The trouble is, I don't know what I should do about it."

I stood there gazing at him for a while, wanting to leap up and throw my arms around his neck and hug him for the things he said, but allowing my common sense to keep a tight rein on my desires. It was hard for me to believe Qui-Gon should be burdened with this dilemma, especially concerning me. "Maybe you should do nothing," I offered cautiously, cocking my head to one side and peering at him. "That's what you advised me. Just let things happen as they will, and don't make any decisions. Unless," I added, and the thought made my heart clench painfully, "you don't want to feel this way about me."

Qui-Gon's closed eyes squeezed tighter as if in pain, and he slumped over, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I thought it was...the best thing to do, to get rid of these feelings. The right thing to do. But I can see now that I was wrong. I am now simply at a loss, unsure what to do. It is a feeling I am unaccustomed to, and I don't like it."

"I know how you feel," I said, and I meant it. "I hate feeling like I'm not in control of my life." I took one step closer to him, and he looked up at me, searching my gaze for something. "But, what can you do, really? Except just go on your mission, and come what may? Concentrate on the moment," I added after a weighted pause.

Master Qui-Gon held my gaze for a moment longer, and then sat back up, relaxing. "I often find it difficult to take my own advice," he said quietly with a rueful half-smile. "Especially when I need it most." He looked away for a moment, and when his eyes found mine again, they were full of curiosity. "Where did you come up with that? I say that all the time."

"What? 'Concentrate on the moment?'" I grinned bashfully. "I know you do. I got it from you. It's a line...uh, well, it's more than just a line, though. It's excellent guidance."

He peered at me, unsure what to make of that, and then let his eyes wander away, heaving a short, bemused chuckle. For a long time he just sat there, and I waited for him to comment, but he only shook his head and seemed lost in thought. At last, without even raising his eyes, he murmured, "Why me?"

"Hmm?" I wasn't sure what he meant, or even if the question was merely rhetorical.

"Obi-Wan, I can understand. He is a fine young man, and very good-looking. He commands his fair share of attention from females, though it's obvious he doesn't notice, he's so concentrated on his duty." Qui-Gon frowned suddenly. "But, Stacey, why me? I am not worthy of your attention. I am old, plain..."

"Have you looked in a mirror lately, Qui-Gon?" I dared him. He stared, taken aback, but before he could laugh or speak he glanced at the oval mirror hanging on the wall above the bureau. The quake had not damaged it. I followed his eyes, and the sight of the mirror sparked an idea. I grabbed his arm and pulled, and he willingly got to his feet and let me steer him toward the bureau, where I positioned him in front of the mirror. "Take a look," I pressed, ignoring the amused smirk that awoke on his lips. "What do you see?"

"I see the same tired, old face that stares back at me every day," he replied calmly.

"Oh yeah? Now look deeper." I stared hard at the eyes reflected back at me in the mirror, demanding that he not laugh and just do it. He hesitated, but then shifted his eyes to his own reflection and gazed searchingly at himself. There was little light in this corner of the room, as the lamp was clear on the other side and the one uncovered window spilled moonlight mostly on the floor. In the dim half-light Qui-Gon stood tall and regal, the silver strands in his dark hair gleaming, shadows defining the smooth angles of his cheeks and the stern line of his brow. His eyes looked nearly black and glittered like stars in the shadows beneath his brow, and his jaw was set unflinchingly, sharply defined by his graying beard. A muscle in his cheek twitched as he stared at his reflection in silence, now taking my demand completely seriously. I stood beside him, just at the edge of the mirror's gaze, holding onto his arm as I looked up at him. "It's more than just how you look," I whispered, "even though I think you're beautiful. It's your compassion. Your calm. Your wisdom, your faith, the way you've made it your will to follow the will of the Force. It's because you're headstrong and won't back down on your convictions. You're kind to everyone and speak no evil of your enemies no matter what they do. I look in there..." I pointed to the mirror. "...and I see a teacher, a friend, a father-figure to Obi-Wan, a powerful warrior...a Jedi. And I see Qui-Gon Jinn, a good man with a big heart." The Jedi Master sighed, his shoulders heaving, and dropped his eyes away from the mirror, looking toward me instead. I smiled hopefully up at him. "Does that answer your question?"

A tiny smile touched the corner of his mouth. "You should be a poet. Or a politician." He turned and wandered a step or two toward the bed, murmuring, "You flatter me. Thank you."

"I've been saying that about you for a long time. My friends and I all agreed, that was why we were so interested in you." I shrugged stiffly. "Only now, I get to see it for myself, for real. And...even if nothing ever happens between us," I continued, clenching my fists behind my back as if to force the painful idea out of my head, "I would consider this...this thing the Force did to me, worth it, because I got to actually tell Master Qui-Gon to his face what I thought of him."

Qui-Gon's shoulders sagged, and his head drooped, as he paused beside the bed and closed his eyes. The smile had completely left his face, but what remained there I did not understand. I thought about sensing his mind instead, but I still had not quite grasped the ability to ply the Force on a whim, and so could not sense much of anything besides a vaguely unsettled tension. Worried, I asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he replied, his voice a low rumbling purr. "I am fine. It's just...no one has been so kind to me, or said such things about me." He turned toward me, and it seemed to me he looked sad. "It appears I was mistaken yet again about you. The feelings I sensed ran deep, but I could not understand why, when I assumed your attraction was on the surface only, or some sort of hero worship. Thank you," he added with desperate sincerity. "Thank you for having the courage to tell me that."

I hugged my arms around myself again, growing uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability the Jedi Master was showing me. "I should get to bed," I said in an attempt to excuse myself. "I don't mean to bother you. It's late, so..."

"Wait." Qui-Gon stepped back towards me, stopping less than a hand's-width in front of me. Even in the dark, I could see the sadness in his eyes, the conflict on his bearded face. "Please," he said, his voice hushed to a near-whisper and laden with emotion, "stay with me tonight."

Shock washed through me, I could feel my eyes widen. It took a while to find my voice. "What?"

"Would you stay with me tonight? No, it's not what you're thinking..." He paused, reconsidered his choice of words, and tried unsuccessfully to smile. "I only wish for...your company. Please."

He was close enough to touch, close enough that I could feel his warmth and his breath on my face. I couldn't face him, looking at the floor instead as I tried to sort the conflicting emotions raging through my head, causing my heart to tense in my chest. I wondered if he knew how easy it would be for me to scream out, "Yes!" even though I knew I shouldn't. His gaze was not very hopeful, as he looked down at me, waiting for an answer or further question. Why the heck not? I demanded of myself. Live in the moment. I met the Master's gaze and smiled a little, tender smile. "All right," I whispered.

The smile that broke out on Qui-Gon's face was nothing short of stunned and relieved, though in that subtle way he always managed to smile, leaving some hint of ambiguity about it. His hand alighted on my arm, and after a moment's hesitation, I leaned into his chest and let him embrace me. "Thank you," I heard him whisper into the air above my head.

Since I was already dressed for bed, I sat down on the near edge of his bed and tried hard to compose myself, wondering how in the world I got myself into this, and how one is supposed to proceed. He moved around behind me to the other side and flicked off the light in the corner, but I waited until I felt the bed sink with his weight before turning to him and slipping my feet under the covers. It startled me to see him reclining beside me shirtless; I don't know what I expected, but it must not have been that. He laid down and sighed heavily, drawing the blanket up only to his waist and leaving one hand lying limp on his stomach. His eyes were focused on the ceiling, not on me. Inexplicably drawn to him, I curled up at his side and gazed into his face. "Qui-Gon, what's the matter?"

His eyes drifted to me, and he smiled that sad, torn smile again. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"It can't be nothing." I searched his blue-gray eyes for some hint, but found no clues. Once again I focused hard on the Force, trying to pry into his mind with it, but was met with resistance. "Come on, don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Hide from me. You...asked me to stay with you. You must trust me a little bit, or you wouldn't have asked that." I let my hand rest comfortably on his shoulder. "Trust me, would you? Tell me what's bothering you. Or, at least, open up and let me know what you're feeling."

Qui-Gon's gaze lingered on my face for a long time, and I could see little shifts in emotion in his expression corresponding with his thoughts: the clenching and unclenching of his jaw, the catching of his breath, the way his eyes wanted to look away but couldn't. At last, a wave of emotion invaded my mind without my having to search for it, like it had once before. He was not only letting me see, but sending his impressions to me, freely and without reservation. I gathered in the feelings and wondered why they felt so familiar. It took a moment, but then I identified them. My heart squeezed hard in my chest, and I gave him a sad look. "You're lonely," I breathed.

The Master looked away for the first time, still thinking, his face still fluttering with changes in emotion. "So...this feeling is loneliness," he realized. "I had no word for it."

There was no way I could keep myself from him anymore. I edged closer to him and brushed my fingers along his beard, hoping to get his attention. He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into the caress. "I know what it is because it plagues my life, too," I whispered. "It's been my familiar companion for many years."

"Not as many as I have walked with it, I'm sure," Qui-Gon sadly mused. I continued to brush his cheek, the stiff hairs of his beard, and felt him smile very slightly beneath my treatment. "Those who tell you a Jedi has no regret have not looked into every Jedi's mind."

"Come on," I soothed, "it can't be that bad."

He heaved a sardonic chuckle. "Well, maybe not quite so bad. But...lately I've been forced to deal with the knowledge that despite the life I lead I am lonely, and sometimes its sting is stronger than I expect. I love Obi-Wan as a son," he added, turning his eyes back toward me, "but his company is not enough to banish it completely. I wish it were."

I left my hand resting on his cheek, simply feeling the warmth and the texture of his skin, and he finally moved to reciprocate. His left arm slid beneath me and pulled me close to him, wrapping me up in his large, powerful embrace. "There's more than one kind of loneliness," I said wisely, "just as there's more than one kind of love. Obi-Wan couldn't possibly give you what you seek, even if he wanted to. Wanted to help you, that is."

"I know." Qui-Gon sighed again. "And though I wish for an end to loneliness, I don't want to hurt you in the process of seeking it." I felt his fingers on my back, caressing softly, through my shirt. "You have been a good friend, a companion and a challenge. It is a pleasure to have your company. But my wishes are not demands, and they are certainly not important. What you do is...your choice alone."

His concern touched me deeply. I brushed his beard one more time before withdrawing my hand so I could lay beside him, my head on his shoulder. "I choose to stay with you tonight," I whispered, nuzzling his neck a little. I have always wanted to do that, to someone special, and I could think of no one who deserved it more than Qui-Gon Jinn. A contented sigh escaped him as he shifted to cradle me next to him. "Just go to sleep. I'll be right beside you."

"Thank you." Qui-Gon's voice was a tender whisper in my ear. "Thank you for indulging an old man his nameless desires."

Any reply to that would have ruined the beauty of the moment, so I merely smiled and settled into his arms, closing my eyes. I didn't fall asleep for a long time, too thrilled and scared, wanting to savor everything my five senses could take in, though Qui-Gon slipped into a light slumber almost immediately. I knew it when I felt the cadence of his breathing even out, becoming shallow and light. I looked at him, then, finding his face serene, composed even in rest. The furrows in his brow had relaxed, the little lines around his mouth faded as he fell deeper into sleep. The room was cool, but beneath the covers and snuggled against him, I could feel the warmth of his body, and the smoothness of his skin where my arm lay over his chest. My hand fell near his recent wound, so I checked it while I had the chance. It had scarred up already, healed rapidly by good care and mysterious Jedi power. I brushed my fingers lightly over the scar as if to bless it before leaving my hand draped wherever it willed. My cheek rested against the curve of his shoulder, which I kissed lightly before settling down to try and sleep myself. I had a feeling I would have to force myself awake well before Obi-Wan got up in order to get out of a potentially compromising situation, so it would be best if I got to sleep quickly. But there was too much to revel in, too much to make me forget about how many hours of sleep I needed.

*****

The heat of the morning sun streaming through the window and falling over the bed woke me even before Qui-Gon, though it seemed to me I had not slept much. My back was stiff, my feet were sweaty. I had shared beds before with friends, in hotels and the like, but something about where I was now felt very different and very weird. The body beside me was not shrunken away in avoidance, but pressed up against me, one arm draped over my waist holding me tight to him. I felt like a pillow, or a stuffed animal, being cuddled close out of subconscious need. And, he was very warm, even more so with the sunlight beating down on us. I could feel his nose and lips against the back of my neck, and the scratch of his bearded chin. His breath was warm and moist, caressing my neck in an even rhythm. His delicious scent surrounded me with its subtle essence, slightly musky with a hint of summer to it. As much as I desired this very moment, finding myself in a living dream, I could only think of how I was going to get out of it before Obi-Wan awoke and came wandering in to find us positioned so. I didn't want to keep secrets from the Padawan, that had gotten all three of us in trouble already, but there were much more tactful ways of explaining the night's encounter so that he would not get the wrong idea.

As I lay there, wide awake, my mind racing, I felt Qui-Gon suddenly take a deep breath, which tickled the back of my neck. He stirred, involuntary nuzzling me as he drew himself back and awoke. Before I could even roll over and look at him, he murmured, "Good morning."

"Morning," I mumbled. He pulled his arm from around my waist and lay on his back, stretching. I flopped onto my stomach and gazed sleepily at him. "Sleep well?"

"Better than I have in a long time," Qui-Gon replied, "thank you. And you?"

"I kept waking up," I complained. He smiled a little, but said nothing more, so I tossed aside the blankets and got up, padding softly to the door and peeking out before making my exit. No Obi-Wan, fortunately. "I forgot to pack yesterday," I tried to explain as I paused in the doorway. "I better go do that."

Qui-Gon nodded understandingly, lying there a moment more before moving to get up. "I think," he began, making me pause again and look back at him, "it would be best if we kept this to ourselves for now. I would not want Obi-Wan to jump to conclusions again."

"We didn't do anything," I pointed out, even though I agreed with him. He sat there and held my gaze for a moment, but I broke it and turned to leave. I had things to do.

On to part 18

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