Obi-Wan nodded, smiling warmly. "I know what you mean. Of course, go ahead. I won't keep you. Have fun," he added as I started toward the door. I glanced over my shoulder and grinned at his little smirk.

Chad really was a beautiful planet. It had features reminiscent of Earth, yet alien at the same time. Trees were trees, but the reddish-barked gum trees whose branches hung low over the lake were completely unfamiliar to me, with leaves of a shape unlike any on Earth. Rocks were rocks, but the ones I stumbled over as I walked around the lake split and weathered in ways I had never seen before. Birds sang new songs, insects looked bizarre, and everything basked in the blue-white light of Chad's sun. As I meandered casually along the lakeshore, following a trail which circumnavigated the entire body of water, I pondered the uniqueness of the planet's features and delighted in them, reminding myself that this was an adventure no one on Earth could have promised me, and if I didn't take some time and revel in that adventure, I would regret it if I ever went back. Oh, and why are you always thinking you're going to go back? I chided myself. Because good things never last. Because there is no such thing as happily ever after. Not even with the Jedi.

I paused and stood on a rock overhanging the lake, watching waves lap against it, splashing droplets of water on my shoes. It was certainly a singular situation I now found myself thrust into. I held knowledge of the galaxy's future, of the tragic end to the Republic and the bitter years of the Empire, as well as the very personal knowledge of Qui-Gon's death and Obi-Wan's destiny. Yet, apart from Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan no one knew what to make of me, likely none of them believed I was really from another galaxy. I was so grateful no one from the Council had noticed the tiny detail of the timeline when they had questioned me. The leap in space was hard enough to deal with, without throwing the concept of time into it. And then, as if that weren't enough to struggle with, down beneath these grand concerns lay my implacable emotions, which Qui-Gon now had some sense of and which Obi-Wan harbored in return.

Why did it have to be this way? What should have made me happy did not. What might have been a triumphant move forward I saw as a tragic step backward in my relationship with the two of them. Annoyed with myself, I bent down to scoop up a handful of pebbles and stood there tossing them idly into the water, one after another, viewing each plunk as smug punctuation on my rambling thoughts. What do you expect Qui-Gon to do with you now? Plunk. There's no way he can just go about pretending he doesn't know. Plunk. You'd be better off just forgetting about all of it. The feelings will go away in time, they always do. You can force them to go away, or else risk being forbidden to go anywhere with them ever again. Plunk. Sure, Qui-Gon said he'll use this Force thing as an excuse to keep you from being separated, but we all know that that's impossible to expect, not with things the way they are now. Man...what he must think of me. Just a silly girl with a childish crush. My jaw clenched to force the tears out of my eyes. It's not a crush. I'm not a girl. I'm almost twenty-five, and dammit, these feelings are real! That train of thought only made the emotions storm in harder, so I demanded of myself a cease in following that path, instead shifting my attention to the lovely scenery before I completely lost control over my composure. I was on the far side of the lake, viewing the distant Jedi center gleaming under the sun, the carpet of ivy on its back wall looking like a velvet tapestry from here. All was tranquil and restive, with the rhythm of the waves on the shore sinking meditatively into my being. Idly tossing the last pebble in, I turned from the view and continued along the path, winding the rest of the way around the lake's circumference and heading back for the temple.

I tried to keep my thoughts away from the issues of the moment, but it was hard. Every few steps I found myself reminded of what happened last night, confused and intrigued all over again at Qui-Gon's unusual reaction. That embrace sprang from his kindness, I knew he did it because it was natural to him, instinctive. He felt it was the only way he could comfort me - never mind what else it made me feel. I wondered if he even stopped to think that it would further encourage my feelings for him. And his reaction...it seemed so clear, I could not have been mistaken that he was both amused and sad to find out what he did. It troubled him greatly. I wondered if that had anything to do with his lengthy afternoon meditation. Though I had only known him personally for a couple of weeks, it seemed to me he had spent more time meditating in the past few days than he normally did. It was the thought foremost in my mind when I rounded a bend in the path and came upon the Master himself.

About twenty feet away from me, he knelt in a patch of short grass which ran from the path down to the shore of the lake, eyes closed in deep concentration. I hung back, ducking behind the trunk of a tree, hoping I hadn't caused him to lose his meditative trance. The last thing I wanted was to interrupt Master Qui-Gon's meditation, but he was directly along the path back to the temple - I would have to go all the way around the lake to get back, or risk getting lost in the undergrowth cutting across country. I peeked at him, curious, to assure myself he had not broken his concentration. He knelt as still and collected as before, sitting back on his heels, his hands resting lightly in his lap. His robe was not on his shoulders but folded neatly beneath him, serving as a mat. A sudden flash of memory overlaid this peaceful image of Qui-Gon with another - darker, painful. Attired the same, in the same pose, but with a Sith pacing before him. I shook it free of my mind, but heard, "You might as well come out, I know you're there."

Sighing, I edged around the tree and stepped over to Qui-Gon, who held his pose and remained still, eyes closed. Not until I reached him and stood fidgeting at his side did he open his eyes and stir. "I'm sorry, Master Qui-Gon," I said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to interrupt you. I was just taking a walk."

He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's all right," he assured, his face solemn, his gaze still directed on the lake before him. "You didn't interrupt. I was...not concentrating well, so I cast about my surroundings instead. I saw you approach, and felt...something." At last, he looked up at me. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Thinking about the future again, are you?" I lowered my eyes, hugging my arms to myself. His expression lightened. "I am beginning to recognize the impression. I've felt it often enough coming from you."

"It was just a passing thought," I tried to explain. "I was reminded of something, it just popped in there."

"Mmm." Qui-Gon's attention returned to the lake view. I stood just to his left, feeling awkward, waiting for him to do or say something else, but he continued to kneel and gaze out at the vista. "You should know," he finally said after the pause had become almost unbearable, "as a Jedi I am trained to take note of people's thoughts, to always sense the emotions behind their words, but unless it is something alarming and immediate I do not call attention to them. You should not be afraid to think about anything you want to think about, pleasant or unpleasant."

I understood what he was saying, and yet... "But what if you notice something I'd rather keep private?"

"It is a risk you must take, if you are in the company of a Jedi." He paused again, and I thought I saw his jaw tighten for a moment. "Most people never know about this. It is not their concern. Then again," he added, turning his head in my direction but not looking up, "they are only in my company for a brief time and then I never see them again. Minutes, hours, days. Not long enough to get to know someone as personally as I have known you."

I smiled a little. "I wouldn't trade that for anything. It's good to have you as a friend, Qui-Gon Jinn."

A similar smile perked onto his face. "I am also grateful that you are my friend, Stacey Lee." I had told both of them my full name, a while ago, but after explaining that many friends of mine used that nickname, he immediately decided that they should, too. Qui-Gon sighed deeply, closing his eyes briefly as he turned away from me again. "There is much we need to talk about."

"I know," I muttered, wishing I could crawl under a rock and not talk about any of it.

"I don't know that now is the right time," he said unexpectedly.

My eyes widened, and my heart relaxed. "Really?"

"There is...much you don't know about me. Much I do not yet know about you. To force the issue now would be premature, and harmful." His eyes took on a faraway look as he quoted, "'Take care of the present, and the future will look after itself.' I do not wish to hurt you in any way, and it is clear to me now that my pressuring you about your feelings hurts you. I think..." Qui-Gon hesitated, his mouth open to say more, but he sounded unsure when he did. "...the only thing to do is give ourselves time. If we take care of the present, a clearer path may develop. Pressing the future does none of us good."

I nodded in acceptance, watching him and waiting for more. But he said nothing else, and retreated into himself again. He would not look at me directly, and never raised himself from the kneeling position in all this time. As I stood there beside him, gazing down at him, a desire came unbidden into my mind. I wanted to run my hands through that long, thick hair lying over his shoulders, and for once I allowed the thought to dwell in my mind because I was no longer afraid of the Master finding out. The problem was, I couldn't tell if the thought was mine or came from without...from him. It was so subtle, yet overpowering, I wasn't sure it originated in my overactive imagination. Unconsciously, I took a step forward and rested my hand on his back, feeling his shoulders heave as he sighed heavily. The Force was all around us, I could sense it vaguely, but it gave me no indication that Qui-Gon wanted to withdraw from me or ask me to leave him. In fact, as I concentrated on the Force's power, scrutinizing the impressions it was giving me, that visible idea of combing my hands through his hair came to me yet again, and it was accompanied by the desire to rub his shoulders free of the tension that held us both silent. Qui-Gon shook his head suddenly, as if waking up from a dream. "Master?" I whispered. "Are you okay?"

He hesitated. I glanced around him to see that his face wore an expression of confusion and pain. "It was just a...passing thought," he replied, hinting back to my earlier comment. No smile eased his features, though. "You needn't worry about me. I will be fine."

His answer did not convince me, especially as his voice trailed quietly off and he continued to look away. On a whim I decided to act upon the idea impressed upon me and started gently kneading my hands over the tight knots in Qui-Gon's neck and back, not so much to provide him relief as to demonstrate my caring toward him. The only thing I wanted was for him to feel better. A deep sigh escaped him and his shoulders drooped, submitting willingly to my actions. His head fell to his chest, and I knew he had closed his eyes. But there was something wrong, still. I could feel it. Tension so thick I could hold it in my hand. A silence weighted with emotion. "Qui-Gon, what's wrong?" I pressed.

"It's nothing," the Jedi Master insisted quietly, "just a...personal matter. Usually, I would meditate on it and it rights itself, but..." He sighed in frustration. I continued to rub his shoulders idly, frowning in concern. "This is unusual. I can't understand it."

I wanted to encourage him to talk about it, but my tongue was frozen to the roof of my mouth. It probably would do no good anyway, I reasoned to myself. He's so tight-lipped about himself. Afraid I might be intruding on his personal space, I withdrew my hands and stepped to his side again, wanting to see his face. Master Qui-Gon looked up at me, his eyes mournful and confused, and the sight moved me to speak. "It's really bothering you, whatever it is. I've never seen you like this. You're always so...in control."

His eyes refused to meet my gaze. "Not this time. I am at a loss to adequately control my emotions," he said as blandly as he could, his voice a murmur which the wind almost snatched away. I stood back from him and studied him, wondering what in the world he was talking about. As if to answer my mental challenge, Qui-Gon's glance darted sharply in my direction. The Force hit me with a wave of something I could barely identify, though it was staggeringly powerful and deep. Stunned, I sank to my knees on the ground and stared at the source of the potent mix of feelings flooding into my mind: affection, desire, yearning, confusion...and above them all, mixed heavily in, frustration. I gaped. Qui-Gon lowered his eyes in embarrassment. I took the opportunity to avert mine as well; they hunted all over the ground in front of me in search of the words I had dropped. For a long time neither of us said a word, and the sudden wave of emotion rolled back to its source leaving only a faint, lingering trace of its signature impressed on my mind. "Now you see what I have been trying to deal with," Qui-Gon mumbled under his breath, refusing to lift his head and face me.

I nodded distractedly, still trying to come to grips with it. What exactly was that? The emotions were vague, wild, hard to describe, but also familiar. Is that what he felt when he sensed my thoughts? But it came from him, originated in him. "Are you...serious?" I managed to stammer out.

The Master finally moved from his kneeling stance, stretching and elegantly rising to his feet. "I have meditated, and I have sought wisdom from the Force, from myself, from Jedi teaching, and still I am left not knowing why this has happened to me," he grumbled, picking up his robe and brushing bits of grass from it. "I don't understand why I would be having these feelings, and why I cannot control them despite every effort to do so. No amount of meditation has quelled them. I have tried," he added almost as an afterthought.

I stared at him, hurt by the implicit tone of his words. "You don't want them?"

"They are dangerous," Qui-Gon said simply, gruffly, draping his robe over his arm and turning on his heel to go back to the temple. I scrambled to my feet to follow. "I cannot begin to describe to you how many ways they pose danger to a Jedi Master. It would be best for us all if I could get them to cease."

He stalked rapidly away in that purposeful, ardent manner that indicated he was displeased with the situation. I had to almost jog to keep up. "What do you mean, dangerous?" I demanded, calling after him. "Do you even know what it is you feel?" He didn't answer. Angrily, I cried, "What are you afraid of?"

Qui-Gon halted abruptly and turned as I came up behind him. "I am not afraid," he said defensively.

"Yes you are," I snapped. There was fear in that wave of the Force; I was not able to place the moment it struck me but now, after absorbing it, I could. "It scares you that you feel this way, doesn't it? You're not trying to face it and deal with it, you're trying to run from it. Just like you're running now."

"I am not running!" His eyes flashed with anger, but no sooner had he said it than he realized what he was doing, and his stony face softened, wincing. I stared hard at him in silence, expecting him to either say something or start for the temple again. "Stacey, you don't understand," he said at last, gentling his voice. "This is something I must deal with, it is not your concern."

"Yes it is," I argued. "It has to do with me. I'm responsible for you -"

"No, you are not. I am responsible for my own feelings, as you are responsible solely for yours," Qui-Gon interrupted. "The problem is mine alone, I will handle it."

"What do you mean, your problem?" I challenged. "You see this as a problem? I don't get it! What's wrong with feeling the way you do?" He stared at the ground, his imposing six-foot-four frame looking like it wanted to shrink away. "I don't understand you, Qui-Gon. Whether you want them or not, you've got these feelings. And they're about me. Right?" I peered at him, scrutinizing. I thought I finally understood him, but he hadn't said anything about the exact nature of these feelings yet, so I wasn't sure. I had a strong sense that I was right, though. His feelings were directly related to me. A question formed in my mind, and though I noted detachedly that it sounded like a cliché from a movie, I asked it anyway. "Are you afraid to love, or of being loved?"

The Jedi Master's eyes flicked up and bored into mine, hot with anger and defiance. The Force surged around me like a whirlwind, but didn't touch me. I thought he would speak, but instead, he just turned and continued on toward the Jedi center, trudging swiftly up the path and across the lawn to the patio. I followed a few steps behind, hastening to keep up. Oh, great, tick him off, I mentally berated myself. Look what you've done! Stupid... I stayed a few paces behind him as we entered the temple through the patio doorway and headed simultaneously for our quarters. Qui-Gon blustered straight to his room, giving his Padawan no more than a nod as he passed, but I hung back and stared after him. Obi-Wan looked back and forth between his Master's closed door and my unsettled expression, and then took a step toward me. "Is something the matter?"

I looked at him, and could have burst into tears right there from the soft, concerned expression on his face. But I controlled myself, and merely sighed. "No, I...it's nothing you need to worry about, Obi-Wan. Really." I noticed a slight motion from his hand, then, and glanced down to see that he was fidgeting with something. He had been standing there in the room when we came in, as if interrupted in the middle of retrieving something. Closer inspection revealed that he had a sprig of flowers in his hand, very tiny white flowers attached to a single stem, which he rolled lightly between his fingertips just like he had with the leaf by the...waterfall. It then occurred to me, the flowers by the waterfall. That's where I had seen them before. "Where'd you get the flowers?" I asked anyway, curious as to why he had them.

Obi-Wan glanced down as if surprised to see them. "Oh, I...found some by the side of the building," he explained shyly. "They're just like the ones at the waterfall in the forest." A hint of pink crept into his cheeks. "I picked them for you, just..." He quieted, leaving his thought unsaid.

I cocked my head in increased curiosity. "What's the matter, Obi-Wan?"

"Nothing," he answered quickly, and after a moment's pause his hand shot out toward me. "Here. For you."

I took the sprig from his fingers, and he withdrew as if scalded, tucking his hands into his robe sleeves. I stared at the star-shaped blossoms, filled with the most peculiar conflict of emotion I had ever felt. Happy and touched that he remembered, and wanted to give me a little gift, I also recalled his whispered conversation with his Master, and was dismayed. "Thank you," I murmured. "They're pretty."

"You don't like them," he said bluntly.

"No!" I quickly assured, looking up from the flowers to his face, seeing the disappointment there and wanting so much to erase it any way I could. "I do like them, Obi-Wan! I'm touched. Thank you."

"Then why are you upset that I gave them to you?" he wondered, perplexed.

"It's not that..." Oh, no. He thinks my emotions have to do with him. "Obi...I'm sorry. Master Qui-Gon and I had a...a difficult talk out there. That's all. It has nothing to do with you." A lie, but only from a certain point of view. I stepped toward him and clutched his arm as if to force the truth into him. "I like them, I really do."

Blue eyes stared into mine, and I knew the Force was peering into my mind, trying to determine the exact source for my emotional turmoil. "Yet, when I gave them to you, you got...troubled. Does it have to do with..." He suddenly clamped his mouth shut. I had no idea what he was hinting at, and now he refused to reveal it. "Never mind. I'm glad you like them. They reminded me of the nice chat we had out at the waterfall the other day, that's why I wanted to...to give them to you. To say thank you."

The two of us stood there, gazing silently at each other for a moment, so much passing through minds and reflected on faces that I was sure Obi-Wan was as scared of me now as I was of him. Qui-Gon suddenly returned, his robe now on his shoulders and the stormy look gone from his face. I assumed that in the few moments he spent in his room, he had centered himself and let go of his anger, for he looked composed and calm. The apprentice and I both turned to him at the same time when we heard his entrance. "There you are, Obi-Wan," the Master said blandly, giving me nothing more than a nod and slight smile of acknowledgement. "And what have you been up to?"

"Exercising, Master," Obi-Wan replied, with equal inscrutability. "I trust your meditation went well?"

Qui-Gon sighed shortly. "No, it did not, but I learned much regardless. Well. Is anyone thinking about going to the haridi, or will it be another evening in for us?"

After the wildness we had briefly glimpsed the day before, and hearing rumors from Shassa that it would continue to get worse until the final seventh day of the festival, none of us wanted to go down to Kalinda at all. While Qui-Gon appeared to have calmed down, I had not, and brooded around our quarters for the rest of the afternoon avoiding him and trying not to bother Obi-Wan. I was certain I was no longer wanted here, that my actions and feelings were ruining the lives of two of the greatest Jedi who ever lived. Anyone else might have given in, and thrown themselves on the human males beneath those Jedi robes without a care for what happened or how it affected the grand scheme of life, but I saw it much differently. They were the galaxy's noble guardians, legends in their own time, who had much more to be concerned with than one woman's conflicted emotional state. What if I made them change the choices they needed to make? What if, instead of saving Qui-Gon and making a happy life for him, I hastened the complete destruction of the Jedi and the galaxy by never letting him find Anakin, removing the one thing that would eventually stop Palpatine? I thought of Alderaan, and wondered if my mistakes would cause more than just that one planet to be blown to eternity. If my hopeless romanticism resulted in the extermination of entire species, systems, and peoples all over the galaxy....

It was enough to make me shiver, but I dared not share my speculations with the Jedi who lurked behind me as I sat near the window watching the lengthening shadows creep along the back lawn toward the lake. They seemed to know not to bother me, and just sat talking; I could hear snatches of their conversation, though I never stopped to focus on it. It sounded like they were debating how much longer to stay on Chad, and whether Qui-Gon ought to contact the Council to let them know where we were. In order to achieve the complete privacy he desired for dealing with the issues plaguing us, the Jedi Master only informed the Council that we would be within a day's journey of Coruscant in case we were needed, but would contact them with the exact location once it was no longer important to maintain our privacy. I was not under the assumption that any questions about me had been answered, but if he was thinking about contacting Coruscant, I feared our retreat may soon be over. Again, probably my fault, I grumbled to myself. I just couldn't leave well enough alone.

Dinner was served around sunset as expected, according to Shassa's schedule, though Qui-Gon told her she was free to go home and spend time with her family and leave the cleanup and the rest of the night to us. She told him he was crazy, but decided to take his advice and wished us a good night. We took our meals at the round table in the common room of our quarters, where we faced each other and, until tonight, had a pleasant conversation in the process. My moodiness, it seemed, was contagious. A thick, anguished silence lay heavily over the dinner table, not one of us spoke a word even of pleasantry the whole time. I kept my attention firmly on my plate, as it took an incredible amount of mental concentration to keep my thoughts from steering in certain directions and my emotions from bursting through and ruining everything. I was lost in the exercise, completely ignorant of whatever my companions might be thinking in reaction - if they were reacting at all. Qui-Gon sat nearly across from me, to my left, a great silent fortress as usual. Obi-Wan, to my right, seemed a bit intense but otherwise unresponsive, giving me the errant conclusion that neither of them cared what I was feeling nor even noticed. The stillness was oppressive, weighing a thousand tons at least. At last, Qui-Gon put his fork down on his plate with a noticeable clink and quietly said, "We need to talk about this."

Both Obi-Wan and I looked up at him, startled at the sound of his velvet voice breaking the silence. "About what?" I challenged morosely.

His eyes shifted downward to where his hand rested on the table, closed loosely into a fist. "Something is bothering us. All of us. And...I am fairly sure I know what it is." His eyes flicked back to me, willing me to acknowledge it before he had to say anything further. I could only look away, his gaze was too intense to face.

"Master?" Obi-Wan questioned.

Qui-Gon looked briefly at him before focusing on me again. "Stacey, I apologize for my behavior by the lake. I reacted badly. Will you forgive me?"

Slightly surprised by this, I nodded mutely at him. The expression on his face did not ease, however, so I said, quietly, "You didn't want to talk about it."

"I did not feel able."

We both sighed, almost simultaneously, and lapsed back into silence. Obi-Wan looked back and forth between us, and wondered, "What exactly happened this afternoon?"

Now we both looked at him. "What do you mean?" Qui-Gon asked.

"You both came back from the lake upset. What happened?" He took in each of our faces. "Please, you must tell me. You know I can sense both of you, you are both troubled and it pains me to think some sort of fight is brewing."

"It's not a fight, Padawan," Qui-Gon gently assured. "It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it? And don't tell me nothing," Obi-Wan quickly added. "It is something. Please, Master." But Master Qui-Gon was not forthcoming. The apprentice turned to me instead. "Stacey? Come on, now. I sense you're upset. If it's not a fight, why will neither of you tell me about it?"

"It doesn't concern you, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon began.

"Yes it does." I flushed hotly as the Master's gray eyes rounded sharply on me, perplexed and apprehensive. Obi-Wan looked doubly confused. I squirmed under their scrutiny, but continued in a sullen murmur. "It concerns him as much as it does me. He's your Padawan."

Qui-Gon sighed long. "This is precisely what I wanted to avoid."

"What is going on, here?" Obi-Wan suddenly cried, frustrated. I looked up at him, startled at his forcefulness. He shot both me and his Master a glance. "I don't understand why you two are acting this way, unless it has anything to do with last night..."

His eyes suddenly went cold, and his voice trailed off into silence. But it was too late, the subject had been broached. "I told you, what you saw last night was nothing," Qui-Gon said, still quiet and calm, but with a growing note of irritation. "You need not worry, Obi-Wan."

"I'm not worried..." the apprentice tried to defend himself.

"Liar," I grumbled. Obi-Wan stared. I was in a very bad mood, and when I find myself in that mood I tend to speak my mind much more freely. I brashly continued, "I heard what you told Qui-Gon last night. If you guys want to keep things to yourselves you've got to do more than just duck around the corner from me." Now both Jedi stared, their moods sinking rapidly. "I overheard everything."

Obi-Wan forcefully turned away, hiding his face from me with a hand. "No," he whimpered in embarrassment.

"Yes. I heard it."

"And you chose not to tell us that you intruded on our conversation?" Qui-Gon needled.

I glared hard at him. His placid voice belied what sounded like a spiteful accusation to me, and I hated that. "I didn't intrude on anything!" I snapped, raising my voice. "You guys were standing right around the corner, did you really think I couldn't hear you? They could've heard you all the way down in Kalinda for crying out loud!" I turned my attention back to Obi-Wan, who sat there with a million different expressions shifting across his face. "It's bad enough Qui-Gon got me to spill my secrets to him, now I have to deal with you feeling this, too?"

Obi-Wan's face burned with crimson, and his jaw clenched stubbornly. He tried lifting his eyes toward me. "I...I would have told you eventually, if the right time ever came. But it doesn't matter," he added sullenly, "you don't share those feelings. You can forget about what you heard me say last night."

I sighed aggressively. "What the hell? Are all Jedi afraid of being loved? Is that a part of the Code or something?" Qui-Gon's eyes bored into mine, though outwardly he remained unruffled. I faced the directed stare with a daunting smirk. "I thought fear was the path to the Dark Side."

"What you sense is not fear," he started to correct sternly.

I jumped up, slamming my palms on the table. The suddenness of my action nearly upset my chair. "That is complete BS and you know it!"

Obi-Wan gaped. Qui-Gon merely stared at me in that infuriatingly calm manner. "I don't know what BS means, but I suspect it isn't anything good," the Jedi Master said softly.

I noticed the shade of amusement in his eyes. He was trying to diffuse my emotions before they exploded. Oh no, he's not going to get away with this so easily, I thought stubbornly. A glance at Obi-Wan found him stunned at the power of my reaction. Qui-Gon followed my eyes and turned to look at his apprentice. "Padawan, you'd best close your mouth unless you were planning on trapping flies for dessert."

Obi-Wan started, then closed his mouth and swallowed hard, his eyes still flicking back and forth between me and Qui-Gon. "Don't change the subject," I interjected before anything else funny could be said. I refused to let this moment pass without saying what I felt. "You said we had to talk about this. So, out with it. Everything."

The Master nodded his head slowly. "There is no need for you to be on your feet. Sit, relax, and let's talk rationally about this."

Reluctantly, I dropped back into my chair, feeling control of the moment slipping. "Fine, but I don't know what it is you want to talk about. You seem to insist that there's nothing. I don't know what's going on anymore," I whined.

Qui-Gon leaned his elbows on the table, folding his hands together. "What did you hear Obi-Wan say to me last night?"

I took a breath for control. "You told him I admitted to feeling something for you, and he basically admitted to having the same feelings for me. He was jealous about seeing you with your arms around me, he thought there was something going on."

Obi-Wan heaved a shaky sigh and got out of his chair, leaving the table and retreating further into the sitting room. His Master's eyes followed him, glimmering with concern. "Are you going to challenge that, Padawan?"

"No," Obi-Wan replied wearily, even as he wandered away from us. "You seem to know everything, Master. It would be useless for me to even comment at this point."

Qui-Gon's brow furrowed deeply. "I don't understand."

The apprentice shook his head. "You told me, she admitted to feelings for you."

"That is so..."

"But not for me," Obi-Wan immediately went on, turning away from us completely. "It doesn't matter, not anymore. I will put it out of my mind."

Qui-Gon turned to me. "Well? He has a point. Your feelings -"

"You don't even know what I feel," I accused him spitefully. The frown deepened even more. "Sure, I let you look into my mind, but that's no excuse for hearing it spoken - I told you that before and it's still true. I still haven't told you a thing, and yet we're all freaking out over some problem with feelings that we all assume each of us has!"

"Then perhaps now is the time you should find the words and share them," the Master said firmly, coldly.

"Then I will leave you, so you can say it without my intrusion," the apprentice suddenly declared, turning on his heel to leave the room.

Qui-Gon rose from his chair. "Obi-Wan."

The name was spoken in such a stern, commanding tone that it became an order in itself which Obi-Wan knew to obey. He stopped and turned back toward us, hanging his head. His Master continued, softening his voice slightly. "No one is leaving this room until we have this settled. I will not allow any of us to hold on to our anger at this." He looked at me, and I stared hard at the floor to avoid him. "Anger is of the Dark Side. Let it go. Both of you. Now," he added after a pause, during which all of us took a deep breath, "come over here and do what you should have done last night, Padawan. Tell her how you feel."

Obi-Wan's lament was bitter. "But she doesn't want me. She loves you."

"How do you know?" I challenged him, turning in my chair to meet him as he approached. He faced me with some surprise, likely taken aback that I spoke as strongly and loudly as he had. "I feel very strongly about Qui-Gon, yes. I'm attracted to him, body and spirit. That much has been true since even before I ever met either of you, it's just clearer and stronger now. But you can't just up and say I love him, not like you're thinking. That kind of love takes a long time before you can ever be sure it's real. I've never had it, never. I don't even have it now."

The apprentice sighed through his nose, his face tight with anger and pain. "That may be," he said after a long pause, "but at least you admit to having feelings for him."

"Yeah, I do." I shifted my gaze to Qui-Gon's composed face, fearing his reaction, but oddly resigned to it either way. "Is that what you're upset about?"

Obi-Wan looked down, at his hands clasped before him as he stood facing us. Ashamed at being exposed and having his feelings trounced, he mumbled, "Of course I am upset. What do you think I ought to feel?"

"You make assumptions without waiting for facts," Qui-Gon said, having lost the scolding tone to his voice. "Let her tell you one way or the other before you give up hope for your emotions, Obi-Wan."

I looked up at him and acidly grumbled, "Then would you do the same for me?"

Master Qui-Gon stared hard at me, twice as imposing as usual from the fact he was standing over me while I sat perched on the edge of my chair. "What do you mean?"

"Tell me what the hell is going on with you," I demanded through clenched teeth. Out of the corner of my eye, it looked like Obi-Wan flinched. "You avoided me all day. You meditated like crazy and it didn't help. Just tell me what it is."

"Very well," he said, his voice quiet and rough, "you want me to say it, I will say it out loud so you can be sure. I sent you my impressions earlier, but it seems you did not understand them fully."

Obi-Wan looked at him, alarmed. "Master? What is this?"

Qui-Gon sighed for the millionth time that day. "I have come to the realization that...I also feel something beyond friendship for Stacey."

The Padawan's jaw fell open again, reducing him to silence while he came to understand what his Master meant by that. "What?" he managed to gasp, his blue eyes flicking back and forth between us.

"I didn't intend for this to happen. She stumbled on it by accident earlier," his Master ashamedly admitted, averting his eyes. "I was unable to control my thoughts, she picked up on one of them. I...had no choice but to let her know about the feelings I have been struggling with."

My heart sank to the bottom of my feet. Rather than joy, it pained me deeply, especially seeing poor Obi-Wan's reaction. "Then, that was your desire I felt, not mine," I whispered, half to myself. "The...idea that came to me." Master Qui-Gon said nothing, but closed his eyes and stood there with his arms hanging limp at his sides.

Obi-Wan quivered with the force of his hurt, which turned his emotive face to stone. After a long, frightening moment watching him clench his jaw to stifle his reaction, he turned slowly and seemed to be about to leave the room.

"Padawan," Qui-Gon immediately spoke up, keeping his voice controlled. "Come back here. Listen to me." Obi-Wan halted and turned, but stayed where he was. His Master sighed again before explaining. "I have been experiencing these feelings for some time, well before last night, and have meditated on them in an attempt to quell them. They refuse to die. I failed utterly this afternoon to bring them under control, and now they have hurt you...both of you." He spoke with extreme restraint, his voice raw with emotion but calm at the same time. Obi-Wan stared hard at him, his pain and panic easing gradually. I sat there and looked between the two of them, begging the forces of the universe to make things all right between Master and Padawan. Qui-Gon continued. "I didn't know, Padawan," he lamented. "I didn't know myself until last night, when you told me what was in your heart. I suddenly saw that had our positions been reversed, and I walked in to find you two together, I would have reacted with the same twinge of jealousy that you felt. And I wanted nothing to do with that - nothing at all. I refuse to hurt someone over the way I feel. It has been my intention all along to be in control rather than be controlled by these emotions. The fact that each knows how the other feels," he concluded, glancing between me and his apprentice, "does not change that. I would have gained control, eventually, I wanted to avoid dragging the two of you into my problem and having this very argument."

Silence fell among us again, and I could almost hear the inward groans from both of them as they came to an understanding of what was going on, and what could have happened had either lost his temper. My anger deflated rapidly, and left me with the empty, sullen feeling that I had brooded over all afternoon. Oh no, I'm ruining them! I cried to myself, cursing silently. I'm destroying their lives, this isn't right! "I'm sorry," I moaned, feeling the first pricks of tears behind my eyes. "I never meant to do this to you. I care about both of you, I don't want this to happen. It's not worth it, none of my stupid feelings are worth hurting you two! Forget it, just forget all of it! Maybe I should just go away, and leave you to your usual Jedi life so you don't have to deal with me..."

Qui-Gon breathed deeply. "Perhaps that would be for the best," he murmured. "For all of us."

That was the last thing I wanted to hear. The tears sprang full to my eyes and spilled down my face, and I let both of the Jedi see them as I leaped from my seat and fled from the room, hearing only Obi-Wan's exasperated, "Master!" as I did. Rather than my room, I made for the main hall and the doors to the patio, wanting to escape.

Evening was creeping in cold blue shadows over the landscape, refreshingly cool on my heated face as I burst through the doorway and charged across the stone patio. All I wanted was to run as far and as fast as I could, until I reached home and sympathetic friends who would pat me on the back and tell me it was all right before getting my mind off my troubles. But once outside, I remembered where I was and that I had no escape, no home to run to, no friends to fall back on, and broke down completely. I threw myself on the balustrade and slid down to a seat beside it, curling into a little ball and sobbing into my fists like I hadn't in many long years. I didn't hear the soft tread of boots on the stone until they were right next to me, and a brown robe cascaded around me as its wearer fell to his knees and curled his arms around me, holding me to his broad chest. I leaned into him and kept on bawling like a child, until my energy waned and the tears stopped coming of their own accord. Only then did I notice the gentle crooning in his throat, the great Jedi Master saying, "It's going to be all right. Everything will be all right. Hush, now." Stunned, grateful, and scared all at the same time, I lay my head in the crook of his arm and sank into the warmth of his body. He held me still as I used my sleeves to wipe my face.

The silence between us was comfortable, this time, and I wished it would last forever, but forced myself to break it at last. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Qui-Gon whispered. "Are you all right?"

I sniffled and complained, "What do you think?"

His arms tightened around me. "Come, it's cold out. Come back inside, wash up." His gentle guidance prodded me to my feet, but my knees shook and my shoulders quaked with cold, so he remained by my side until I felt ready to move again. I looked up into the kind, caring face of the Qui-Gon Jinn I had come to know well, the compassionate Jedi, and gave him a watery smile of thanks. He smiled back, but his eyes were sad. "What do you want me to do?" he wondered in a soft murmur. "Fall down swooning over you? Ask you to bear my children? Pledge my undying love?"

"No," I replied, amused at how stupid such ideas sounded coming from him. "I just want everything to be normal. I don't care about 'feelings' anymore, I just want things to be the way they were before."

Qui-Gon sighed forlornly. "Unfortunately, there is no going back. Knowledge can be...a hard thing. We must deal with it, there is no retreat to the security of ignorance." His hand rested lightly on my shoulder, providing support which I desperately needed. "We must simply...give it time."

I gazed up at him, understanding at last what he meant. "Qui-Gon, I don't want you to do anything but be yourself. No matter what comes of it. I'm just glad to be here with you, I can't begin to express how happy that makes me. I know I don't belong with you and Obi-Wan," I continued, returning to the subject which had touched me off in the first place. "You're Jedi, you have a duty to carry out as guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. I know I can't be tagging along on your missions like some kind of side-kick. But..." My voice caught in my throat. I didn't expect saying this to evoke my emotions again. I swallowed hard. "But I have nowhere else to go."

Qui-Gon's brow furrowed in concern, his eyes soft and sympathetic. I tried my hardest to regain control, but it wasn't working. He enfolded me in his embrace again, holding me close to his heart. I wrapped my arms around his midsection and burrowed into his tunics, sniffling, seeking comfort in his closeness and warmth to ward off the cold night. His chin rested on the top of my head. "Don't worry about it," he advised, his voice hushed. I felt its rumble in his throat and chest. "Everything will work out, in its own time. We just have to be patient. If it's meant to be, it will happen."

I held tightly to him. "Is that what you're going to tell the Jedi Council when they hand you your next assignment?" I murmured into his chest.

He hummed deeply, the closest thing to a laugh he could muster at this point. "I will deal with that when the time comes," he assured. "It is not your concern." His large hand alighted on my head and began to lightly stroke my hair, his fingers combing through its length in a slow, contemplative rhythm. I pressed my forehead into his chest, breathing in his scent - mellow, earthy, slightly musky - as I found the control I sought and let him hold me. I sensed a slight stir of the Force, hearing at the same time a footfall behind me and feeling Master Qui-Gon's head turn to see who had come out to the patio. Of course it was Obi-Wan, but no turmoil of emotion accompanied his approach. I lifted my head enough to see him drift noiselessly across the deck to stand beside us, light from the rising moons illuminating the worried look on his young face. Qui-Gon still held me, still stroked my hair gently, as he spoke again. "I am sorry I said it would be best if we parted. I was wrong."

Obi-Wan bowed his head. "I am sorry for the way I acted, Master. I should know better than to let my feelings get away from me like that."

"And I'm sorry I got both of you into this mess," I grumbled into Qui-Gon's tunics. "So, so sorry."

A hand fell on my back - Obi-Wan's hand - and before I could say anything else his arms were around both me and his Master, hugging us gratefully. Master Qui-Gon suddenly chuckled deep in his throat. "Well. We are a rather sorry lot, aren't we?"

Sorry... I started to laugh despite myself. The apprentice also chuckled, even as he lay his head on his Master's chest and allowed an arm to be draped around him, drawing him into the generous embrace. We stood together for a while, until a teasing wisp of breeze caused me to shiver again. "Let's go inside, I'm cold," I mumbled.

"A wise idea." Qui-Gon stepped back, allowing his apprentice to go first and then me, taking it upon himself to bring up the rear and close the patio doors behind him. No more would be said about the argument tonight, the Master was right - what we needed now was time. Look after the present, and the future would take care of itself.

*****

It was late, and the entire center was dark, even more so with the huge curtains over my bedroom window closed against the moon-lit night. I tossed and turned through most of the night, unable to sleep, my mind racing over every word spoken and every expression I had seen flitting over my companions' faces. It had been a long, hard day. And now, at the end of it, I could not shut off my thinking and retreat to the escape of slumber. After trying everything I could think of, I decided instead to reach out for the Force and send questioning streams out to find out whether the Jedi were asleep. Qui-Gon was, I found that immediately. Obi-Wan, though, was not. In fact, as I discovered with my new sense, he was not even in his room. Curious, I got up and padded quietly through the sitting room, finding that empty as well. On a hunch, I stepped into the hallway and headed toward the kitchen. Sure enough, there he was, and the discovery made me giggle out loud. He was sitting on the floor, his back to the cabinets, with the refrigeration unit open for its light, the last container of sweet ice in one hand and a spoon in the other. He heard my entrance and looked up with a start. "What are you doing?" I murmured in amusement.

"I was hungry," Obi-Wan sheepishly replied. He was clad only in his sleep pants and his robe, which cascaded around him on the floor like a puddle of chocolate. "There's a little left from the party the other night," he added, offering the container as evidence. "Would you like some?"

"Oh, sure. What the heck." I rooted in a drawer for another spoon and sat down beside him, away from the fridge. He tilted the open container towards me so I could dig out a spoonful of the sweet crystalberry-flavored ice cream. "Thanks."

His only response was a smile. "What's 'rocky road?'"

I looked at him, boggled. "What?"

"At the party. You said you pictured me with rocky road. Is it like this?" He waggled the spoon.

"Oh. Yeah. It's ice cream - sweet ice - with chocolate and chunks of nuts and stuff in it. Really gooey. Decadent. Indulgent." I shot him a look out of the corner of my eye. "Just like you."

"Me?" Obi-Wan's smile filled his face while he concentrated on eating. "Decadent, huh? Sounds good to me." He savored a spoonful and turned thoughtful. "What about Master Qui-Gon? What do you see as his favorite flavor?"

"Hmm." It was not an easy thing to speculate. "Maybe mint. It's kind of like him. Sharp at first, but warms up after a while. Different in its own way - kind of like these crystalberries. Or, well, he'd probably be fine with just plain vanilla."

A light chuckle escaped Obi-Wan. "Yes, he probably would be happy with a plain flavor."

"Oh, he's probably more exotic than he lets on. French vanilla, then."

The apprentice looked at me, shook his head with a smirk, and settled down to eat. For a time neither of us spoke, just sitting there nibbling away. I took occasional glances at him, finding him incredibly beautiful in just pants and his robe. The soft brown fabric piled luxuriously around him, delicately covering his bared torso but for a glimpse of his finely-muscled chest. The braid hung limp from behind his ear and rested gently on his chest. His bare feet rested comfortably on the tiled floor, his long legs stretched out in front of him. He didn't pay attention to anything but the sweet ice, though, so I kept my thoughts to myself and concentrated on sharing the midnight snack with him in silence. Finally, Obi-Wan sighed lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I said with my mouth full. Swallowing, I added, "Thanks. You?"

"Worn out."

"Tell me about it." I glanced sidelong at him. "Too tired to sleep."

"Yes, that's exactly it. I hate that feeling." The Padawan snorted and shook his head. "It's night, our bodies ought to be grateful that we're trying to sleep after such a hard day, but no. My mind refuses to quiet down."

"Oh, I hate that too! My brain just won't turn off."

"Turn off? What, are you a droid now?" he teased, smiling.

"No. Silly." I sucked down another spoonful as Obi-Wan went in for more and dropped his spoon. "I never heard, before. Is Master Qui-Gon going to contact the Council and let them know where we are?"

Obi-Wan didn't answer right away, concentrating instead on fishing his spoon out of the container and pausing to lick the melted sweet ice off his knuckles. "Not tomorrow," he finally answered. "There are some things we must...work out, first. He has a strong feeling - as do I - that the moment we inform the Jedi Temple where we are, we will receive a request for assignment. He wants to put that off as long as he can."

"Ah. Makes sense."

We sat in silence for a while, nursing out the last traces of sweet ice and falling into the first stages of sleep. Full of the late dessert, our bodies were starting to overcome the too-tired feeling. "Well," Obi-Wan murmured. "Back to bed, I suppose."

"Yeah," I half-heartedly mumbled. Neither of us moved. "Well?"

"Yes." The apprentice looked at me, and chuckled. "I could sleep right here."

"Me too." But my bed and the warm covers were calling to me. I pushed myself to my feet and closed the fridge door, lowering a hand to haul Obi-Wan up after me. "Come on."

"Yes, Master," he grumbled in mock obedience, using me for leverage as he got up. No more passed between us, as we headed back down the hallway, into quarters, and parted to go to our rooms. Just as we did, I let my hand pass lightly over his back, wanting to do more but afraid too much more would be resisted. Obi-Wan looked at me, pausing, and I hung back a moment to see if he had something to say. "Good night," he whispered softly, gazing down at me with liquid blue eyes.

An urge to react filled me, and for once in my life, I decided not to resist it. Stepping back towards him, I stretched onto my toes and kissed him gently on the cheek. Stunned, he stared hard at me as I retreated and whispered, "Good night, Obi-Wan."

On to part 16

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